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Are you registering for gifts? It seems like the answer should obvious, but in fact, many gay couples do not. The top two reasons for not registering that I’ve observed are:
1. Many gay couples have already been together for years, accumulating a houseful of great stuff—and just don’t need to register.
2. Many gay couples would rather their guests support an important charity, such as those that fight for marriage equality everywhere, rather than give them gifts.
However, many more couples do register for gifts, assuming that inasmuch as most people are going to give them stuff anyway, it should be stuff they actually want, right? Be aware, however, that while most guests give a gift to the couple, they are not obligated to do so, and you should never expect one.
You should note that most stores are still very heterosexist when it comes to wedding registries. There’s a good chance you’ll see “bride’s name” and “groom’s name” on paperwork and on websites. There may be assumptions made about your relationship if you go to the store in person to register for items. The salesclerk might not be enthusiastic. The good news is that the most popular stores allow you to set up your registry online if you would prefer to do so.
So how do you appropriately create a registry?
As a couple, make a list of what you need to furnish and decorate your home. Plan out décor and colors. What is your style: contemporary, traditional, country, or something else?
- Register for more items than you actually need. Guests like choices and you’re not going to get everything on your list. Put yourself in your guests’ situation: if all that’s left on the registry is an iron and a spatula set, they won’t have any fun shopping for you. Plus, lots of stores will help you fulfill your gift registry by offering you a discount on the remaining items after the wedding.
- Register for gifts across a spectrum of budgets, so your guests have options depending on what they can afford. (Don’t make assumptions about people’s generosity (or lack thereof). You’ll be surprised by who gives what!) This is also important because if you do have a wedding shower, you’ll likely get lower-priced gifts at that event and more generous gifts for your wedding.
- Register at multiple stores to give your guests an option that is comfortable for them. For example, even if you register for lower-priced items at Saks, some guests won’t even bother to look there, so also include a more budget-friendly option like Target.
- Remember that it is never good etiquette to include registry information with your wedding invitations. However, this information may be included on shower invitations or you may link to the registries on your wedding website. And you can include the wedding website URL on a logistics card that is enclosed with your invitation suite.
- Provide the store with an address where gifts can be sent. Your guests will like having the option of not bringing the physical gifts to the wedding.
- Consider registering through a charity like the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). Guests can make a donation in your name and feel good about their choice.
- Yes, you can register for a honeymoon if you wish. Some honeymoon registries double as travel agents so you can book your plans directly through them. Others, like Honeyfund, are merely vessels by which you receive checks from your guests. You can indicate where you are going and outline what you may do while you are there. Guests may, for example, treat you to a spa visit, a sailing expedition, dinner on the beach, or a guided tour through a rainforest. It’s a nice win-win. Your guests feel like they are contributing to your honeymoon and they are (and the money you receive that is earmarked for a particular activity may be used in any way you like.)
