Questions for Your Caterer

At some point during your wedding planning process, you should actually get to eat the food that will be served at your wedding. This may be the only time in your life where you can give a real chef constructive feedback to his or her face! It's your wedding food so this is an important detail. During the tasting, think through all of these questions:

* How is the food presented?

* Are hot dishes served hot and cold dishes served cold?

* Is the plate presentation appetizing?

* Are the hors d'oevures easy for your guests to eat? Side note: I hate skewers - they are awkward and unattractive!

* Do the flavors pop and are they complex? Is the food absolutely divine?

* Do the courses flow well together? Is there too much of one kind of protein or do you have items that are very divisive (like goat cheese, which I love)? I'm not saying you need to change or eliminate those items!

* Is there a nice balance of selections for vegetarians and carnivores?

* Will there be any in-season changes to the menu?

* When is the latest date you can make a change to the menu?

* Is the caterer managing your rental order? Did you pick linens yet? Make them show you swatches!

* Are the plates you're eating off the same plates you're using on your wedding day? Same for flatware and glassware?

* Will you be having chargers? Side note: Say yes! Chargers are lovely!

* What is their standard napkin fold? Do you like it?

* If you are a same-sex couple, be sure to get assurance that every last person on the service staff will treat you right!

* If you need them, does the caterer or venue provide menu cards? What is the heading at the top of the cards?

* Think about when you will be having a champagne toast. Do you want the champagne pre-set at the dinner table?

* What is the approximate timing for dinner? How long does it take them to get through 3 courses if it is a plated meal?

* Is there a separate cake cutting fee?

* Will they be providing tableside wine service? Do you want them to?

* Confirm whether the fee includes staff gratuity? Side note: typically not included when you are working with an outside caterer.

* Confirm the bar setup if you are hosting the bar: flat fee per person or consumption? Maybe you're lucky enough to bring in your own alcohol.

* If possible, taste your wedding wine with the food. If the venue provides the food and bar, then ask them for a wine tasting. If you're bringing in your own caterer and bar, then bring your own wine to the tasting!

* What time will the caterer begin setup?

* If you haven't already done so, ID a location for your gift table, guest book, escort cards

* Confirm the flow of the space if the ceremony is held onsite: where does everyone go for cocktail hour while the room is being flipped for dinner? How much of the dinner tables are set up prior to the ceremony and how will they be hidden discreetly?

* If you don't have a wedding planner to manage the caterer, who will be your day of event go-to person? What capacity does that person have to act as an event planner and liason with the other vendors like the DJ & photographer?

You may already know the answers to these questions but if not, the tasting is the right time to find out.

Non-Traditional Wedding Venues

A few years ago, my team and I took over a large summer camp for a three day wedding weekend. I love working in nontraditional wedding venues. It's fun thinking outside the box and can be a great way to tie into a theme.

Consider these options for your wedding:

* restaurants
* bed and breakfasts/inns
* parks

* islands (I produced a wedding last year on an island in Boston Harbor)

* galleries

What type of venue did you choose for your wedding?

Are You Registering for Gifts?

Are you registering for gifts? It seems like the answer should obvious, but in fact, many gay couples do not. The top two reasons for not registering that I’ve observed are:

1. Many gay couples have already been together for years, accumulating a houseful of great stuff—and just don’t need to register.

2. Many gay couples would rather their guests support an important charity, such as those that fight for marriage equality everywhere, rather than give them gifts.

However, many more couples do register for gifts, assuming that inasmuch as most people are going to give them stuff anyway, it should be stuff they actually want, right? Be aware, however, that while most guests give a gift to the couple, they are not obligated to do so, and you should never expect one.

You should note that most stores are still very heterosexist when it comes to wedding registries. There’s a good chance you’ll see “bride’s name” and “groom’s name” on paperwork and on websites. There may be assumptions made about your relationship if you go to the store in person to register for items. The salesclerk might not be enthusiastic. The good news is that the most popular stores allow you to set up your registry online if you would prefer to do so.

So how do you appropriately create a registry?

As a couple, make a list of what you need to furnish and decorate your home. Plan out décor and colors. What is your style: contemporary, traditional, country, or something else?

• Register for more items than you actually need. Guests like choices and you’re not going to get everything on your list. Put yourself in your guests’ situation: if all that’s left on the registry is an iron and a spatula set, they won’t have any fun shopping for you. Plus, lots of stores will help you fulfill your gift registry by offering you a discount on the remaining items after the wedding.
• Register for gifts across a spectrum of budgets, so your guests have options depending on what they can afford. (Don’t make assumptions about people’s generosity (or lack thereof). You’ll be surprised by who gives what!) This is also important because if you do have a wedding shower, you’ll likely get lower-priced gifts at that event and more generous gifts for your wedding.
• Register at multiple stores to give your guests an option that is comfortable for them. For example, even if you register for lower-priced items at Saks, some guests won’t even bother to look there, so also include a more budget-friendly option like Target.
• Remember that it is never good etiquette to include registry information with your wedding invitations. However, this information may be included on shower invitations or you may link to the registries on your wedding website. And you can include the wedding website URL on a logistics card that is enclosed with your invitation suite.
• Provide the store with an address where gifts can be sent. Your guests will like having the option of not bringing the physical gifts to the wedding.
• Consider registering through a charity like the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). Guests can make a donation in your name and feel good about their choice.
• Yes, you can register for a honeymoon if you wish. Some honeymoon registries double as travel agents so you can book your plans directly through them. Others, like Honeyfund, are merely vessels by which you receive checks from your guests. You can indicate where you are going and outline what you may do while you are there. Guests may, for example, treat you to a spa visit, a sailing expedition, dinner on the beach, or a guided tour through a rainforest. It’s a nice win-win. Your guests feel like they are contributing to your honeymoon and they are (and the money you receive that is earmarked for a particular activity may be used in any way you like.)

photo by Doreen Birdsell

Questions to Ask Before Hiring a Wedding Photographer

Wedding photography is a huge investment but after the wedding is over, the photos remain. It's important to choose the right photographer, not only someone whose personality clicks with yours, but also someone who you trust. As you interview wedding photographers, be sure to ask the following questions:

* Have you shot a gay wedding before?

* How would you describe your style?

* How many photos do you shoot at a typical wedding?

* Do we get proofs of the images?

* Are proofs digital proofs or paper proofs?

* What level of editing do you provide photos before we receive them? Do you do color correction, crop out EXIT signs, and the like?

* Do we get full use of high-resolution images after the wedding?

* Do we book an album through you or can we make our own?

* How long does it take for you to give us the high-resolution wedding photos?

* How long does it take for you to produce an album?

* What is your backup plan in case of emergency?

* Do you offer an assistant and if so, for what price?

* Do you offer an engagement photo shoot and if so, for what price?

* How many weddings do you shoot in a weekend?

* How is your pricing structured?

Enjoy the process of looking through the portfolio of wedding photographers - you may find inspiration for you own weddings!

Who did you choose to be your wedding photographer?

Provincetown Weddings

What's not to love about Provincetown? Same-sex marriage is fully legal there. It has great beaches, fantastic restaurants and a rich nightlife and art scene.

There are tons of inns and bed and breakfasts for every budget and your guests can easily turn your wedding into a vacation.

I plan a bunch of weddings in Ptown every year and it's one of my favorite places for a wedding. The vibe is so casual but you can also do a really elegant wedding. We do a lot of elegant-beachy weddings, like my brides Gail and Paula, to the left. They were married at The Red Inn.

My only word of warning: July and August are peak months in Ptown and many inns require 5 night minimum stays. The Red Inn and some of Ptown's other wedding venues won't offer their spaces for weddings during those months.

Photo by Julia Cumes

Restaurant Weddings

Over the weekend, I had a small gay wedding with 30 guests at a restaurant in Harvard Square, Cambridge, Massachusetts. It was great! Ceremony and cocktail hour were held in the outdoor patio area before the restaurant was open for dinner. Then the brides and their guests ate dinner in the restaurant's private dining room.

Restaurant weddings can bring you the best of everything: a cool space that doesn't need a lot of decorating; delicious, seasonal food; and great cocktails! Typically restaurant wedding require a food and beverage minimum (if held in a private dining room) or a flat fee restaurant buyout rate (if you take over the entire restaurant).

Is your wedding being held in a restaurant?

Photo by Kristin Korpos

Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties for Gay Weddings

Of course bachelor and bachelorette parties are heterosexual traditions but they’re also a really good time—and another excuse for a party. In my experience planning tons of gay weddings, couples who are more settled tend not to have these parties, while couples that are starting out often do.

Being a same-sex couple can mean that you have a joint party or two separate parties. If you have separate groups of friends, separate parties are generally the way to go. But if your friends are merged, then I like a big party.

I have two brides who are partying independently and meeting up at a club at the end of the night. My wife Jen and I chose to party together over an informal dinner, followed by a trip to a strip club (the most tasteful one in the city, if you can believe it). We were both on our best behavior (look, don’t touch) and a great time was had by all.

Some couples who party separately have a “don’t ask, don’t tell policy” (a “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” kind of thing). If you plan on misbehaving that’s not a bad plan—just don’t drunk-dial or drunk-text at the end of the night. No unnecessary drama, right!

Are you planning to have a bachelor or bachelorette party? Are you partying together or separately?

Easy Wedding Websites

Many of my clients have many guests from other states at their wedding. I always recommend creating a wedding Web site as a central location for all of your wedding information, and I have some special tips to share to do this most effectively:

*Buy your personal domain (for example, www.bobandbill.com) through GoDaddy.com (my preferred site for domain registration).
Set up a free wedding Web site through a site like here on TheKnot.com or also WeddingWire.com or MyWedding.com

*Go to the “Manage My Domains” section on GoDaddy and set the personal domain to forward to the often-lengthy URL provided by WeddingWire, TheKnot or your other wedding website.

*Share your personal domain (e.g., www.bobandbill.com) on your save-the dates and other wedding materials.

*Use GoDaddy after the wedding when the professional photographs are ready, and change the forwarding destination of the personal domain to the link provided by your photographer.

*Tell your guests to go to your personal domain to view your professional wedding photos.

This process is quick and painless and there are countless templates to choose from!

Weddings in Private Homes

In theory, there are some nice advantages to planning a wedding at your home or another private residence. The home could have a special meaning to you. You could save on a venue rental fee. You are not limited by an eight hour rental period and can set up and break down at your leisure. The party could go all night if you want.

But don’t be blinded by the advantages and think through these potential obstacles before making your final decision:

• How is your septic system? Can it handle 50 or more guests? Do you have 2 or more restrooms that guests can use? Will you have to rent portapotties or a luxury potatpotty trailer?
• How is your parking situation? Is there enough parking for all of the vendors in the driveway. What about the guests? Will you have to hire a valet or rent a lot and provide shuttle service?
• Is the home big enough for everyone to be inside for dinner and dancing? Or will you require a tent? Are you prepared to deal with the damage that tents (and the tent delivery truck) cause to the lawn?
• Is there a good spot on the property for a wedding ceremony? What if it rains?
• Are there any noise ordinances in the city or town where the wedding would be held? Are there nosey neighbors or neighbors who would call the cops to complain about noise?
• Is there a large kitchen onsite? The caterer will have a lot of food to warm up or prepare and will need plenty of counter space and ovens. If you can’t offer that, the caterer may have to set up a catering tent and/or rent convection ovens.
• How many amps of electricity does the home have? Are there some circuits with available power? If you are bringing in a tent, the lighting and heating of the tent requires significant power. If you are bringing in a DJ or band, they require significant power. So does a nice portapotty. Find out if you have enough power to provide or whether you will need to rent a generator.
• Is the home in an area known to have poor drainage in the event or rain? Is it especially buggy in the summer and if so, can the property be sprayed?

In general, unless it’s a very well equipped property or a wedding smaller than 50 guests, I advise against holding a wedding in someone’s home or on their property. The logistics can get very complicated and I would definitely suggest that you hire a wedding planner to make sure that all of these details are covered.

Please use a caterer for your wedding in a private residence. Don’t rely on your friends, family or let alone, yourself to prepare food. If you need to, you can prepare the food in advance and rent wait staff and bartenders to serve it – but please outsource at least some of this for your own sanity!

Are you planning to get married in a private home?

Photo by Closed Circle Photo

Gay Wedding Planning Workshops in the NYC Area

It's engagement season - and if you are planning your gay wedding in the New York City area and looking for some expert advice, you are in luck! I'm participating in a couple of panel discussions soon as well as leading a solo workshop. All of these are designed to empower you to plan yourself a great gay wedding!

Here are the details:

Thursday, February 9, 6:30pm (solo presentation)

• Sponsored by MENY - click here to register
• LGBT Center, Manhattan

Sunday, February 12, 11am (panel discussion)

• WilliamsBrides event (excuse the non-inclusive name - it will be an inclusive event)
• Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Saturday, March 17, time TBD (panel discussion)

• The Original LGBT Expo
• Javits Center, Manhattan

Please stop by and say hi at any of these events! I would love to chat with you there and answer any planning questions you may have!

Photo by Kat Hempel

Planning Your Wedding in 15 Steps!

Most people who find this website are engaged and planning a gay wedding – and most people really don’t know how to begin! Here’s the cheat sheet for you, a quick list of what to do, and in what order.

If you really want to keep things easy, download our free app,Gay Wedding Confidential or buy our bookof the same name! Both have all these tools in more detail.

1. Make your guest list and stick to it. Create guest list policies. Figure out if you are having attendants.

2. Figure out how much you can afford to spend and where the money is coming from. Then revisit the guest list and trim if necessary.

3. Have a conversation with your partner about the non-negotiables that each of you may have about your overall wedding vision. For someone it may be a beach ceremony. For the other it may be getting married by a rabbi like my brides in the photo above, who wanted both. And so forth. Know each of your non-negotiables.

4. Hire a wedding planner to take care of the rest for you! Of course…and this is why.

5. Find a gay-friendly wedding venue that meets your criteria for non-negotiables, guest count and budget.

6. Shop for your wedding outfits and for your wedding party, also, if applicable.

7. Block hotel rooms near your wedding for out of town guests.

8. Make a wedding website and send out save the date cards.

9. Hire all the gay-friendly wedding professionals who only do one wedding per day (photographer, officiant, band, DJ, etc)

10. Spend time thinking about colors, themes, design, layout, flow, personal details like favors, etc.

11. Hire the gay-friendly wedding professionals who do more than one wedding per day (florist, cake maker, caterer etc)

12. Send out invitations, collect responses and figure out where everyone is seated.

13. Create a very detailed wedding day schedule and send it to everyone you’ve hired to be involved with your wedding.

14. Have a rehearsal!

15. Get married!

Did you just get engaged over the holidays?

(photo by Kat Hempel)

Weddings Officiated by Celebrants

As my regular readers know, my favorite part of a wedding is the ceremony because of its power and potential to change the world.

Whenever possible, I encourage LGBT couples to use a Celebrant to officiate their gay wedding ceremony. Not everyone who is a non-denominational minister is a Celebrant. Those who are officially Celebrants have taken intensive coursework on world cultures and traditions and been taught how to use stories to create custom ceremonies. The curriculum is rigorous!

Celebrants are ideal for couples who may be interfaith or non-religious but whom want a meaningful and powerful wedding ceremony that is more in-depth than what a judge or Justice of the Peace may provide.

Our own wedding (July 3, 2009) was officiated by Celebrant Cindy Matchett of Meaningful Weddings. Our wedding guests LOVED our ceremony which told the story of our relationship, shared some of our favorite things about each other and incorporated our cultures. Last year she officiated our son’s non-religious baby blessing. We absolutely adore Cindy and she feels like one of our family.

I’m honored to have been asked to give the keynote speech on April 28 at the Celebrant Institute’s Collective Wisdom Conference. This conference is part of the graduation of the current class of Celebrants and I’m excited to share with them my perspective on the power of same-sex weddings.

If you are looking for a Celebrant, you can find one in your area by visiting www.CelebrantInstitute.org

If you need other help with your plans, please visit us at www.14Stories.com, follow us on twitter or like us on Facebook.

Photo by Infinity Portrait Design

Who to Invite to Your Gay Wedding?

If you are newly engaged and planning a New York gay wedding, Boston gay wedding, Provincetown gay wedding, or anywhere else, you first have to start by creating a guest list.

Here are some important Dos and Don'ts when creating your guest list:

Do first think about your budget. Feeding and providing alcohol to all those people adds up, so first think about how many people you can afford to invite.

Do only invite people you actually want there. Skip the people who you feel like you have to invite out of obligation - and you can even skip "plus ones" if you don't actually know who the guest would be.

Do set policies and stick with them. Be consistent in the "rules" you set. For example, are kids invited? Are co-workers invited? Are exes invited?

Don't let your parents/family be pushy about the guest list...even if they are helping to pay. This means that if your parents are involved in the wedding and want to invite their co-workers, neighbors and friends (which is pretty unusual, by the way), stand your ground!

Don't invite people who don't support gay marriage. This means that if your Great Aunt Ellen signs anti-gay marriage petitions, then she shouldn't make the cut - unless you think she's flexible or could be convinced.

Who's making the cut on your wedding guest list?

(photo by www.gfergphoto.com)

Gay Weddings in Restaurants

Gay weddings at restaurants can be some of the easiest weddings to plan if you are doing it yourself.

There are some serious advantages to choosing the private dining room of a great restaurant:

• There is usually no room rental fee.
• There is often a great chef with delicious, locally grown and seasonal food.
• Restaurants come in all shapes and sizes and styles - they're not generally a "blank canvas" so if you like their decor, you can save money on wedding design.
• The bar tab is on consumption so the party can theoretically go all night (or til the restaurant closes) so the wedding doesn't have to feel rushed.

And the disadvantages:

• There is often no good place to have the ceremony onsite.
• Many private dining room coordinators aren't experienced with weddings so there may be a learning curve.
• There is often no dedicated outside area if you require one.
• Many private dining rooms don't have windows.
• Most private dining rooms have a maximum capacity of around 50-60 guests so you may be limited in choices unless you would consider a full restaurant buyout (in which the restaurant closes for your party).

Some couples looking for a wedding bigger than what will fit in a private dining room still choose a restaurant. To do so, they have to buy it out. This means that the restaurant will be closed to the public for the private party and the couple would pay the restaurant a minimum amount (typically starts at $10,000) for the right to use the entire restaurant for the night.

That said, I've had many gay weddings at restaurants and they are lovely. Are you considering hosting your gay wedding in a restaurant?

Sexy Signature Cocktails

Creating a signature cocktail party for your wedding has a variety of purposes. First off, it can be a money saver if you offer your guests only a signature cocktail, beer and wine. Secondly, it's another way to be thematic and personalize your wedding!

Our own wedding's signature cocktail was a big hit. During our wedding planning, we invited a few friends over to help us choose the perfect cocktail to serve our guests. We ended up making and serving a bunch of god-awful tasting drinks, including some with curacao and coconut rum! Never again! But it was a great excuse for a mini party...

We settled on the Wild Irish Rose, and tried several iterations of our own creation...try it out for yourself - you'll never taste the Jameson's.

In a cocktail shaker, combine the following over ice:
2oz Jameson's
1/2 oz grenadine
3/4 oz fresh lemon juice

Shake and serve straight up in a chilled martini glass with a sugared rim. Delicious and pretty in pink - though that's the only pink you'll see at our wedding.

So, what's your signature cocktail? I'm always looking to try new cocktail recipes, especially on chilly fall nights!

(photo by Infinity Portrait Design)

Planning a Wedding in a Private Home

In theory, there are some nice advantages to planning a wedding at your home or another private residence. The home could have a special meaning to you. You could save on a venue rental fee. You are not limited by an eight hour rental period and can set up and break down at your leisure. The party could go all night if you want.

But don’t be blinded by the advantages and think through these potential obstacles before making your final decision:

• How is your septic system? Can it handle 50 or more guests? Do you have 2 or more restrooms that guests can use? Will you have to rent portapotties or a luxury potatpotty trailer?
• How is your parking situation? Is there enough parking for all of the vendors in the driveway. What about the guests? Will you have to hire a valet or rent a lot and provide shuttle service?
• Is the home big enough for everyone to be inside for dinner and dancing? Or will you require a tent? Are you prepared to deal with the damage that tents (and the tent delivery truck) cause to the lawn?
• Is there a good spot on the property for a wedding ceremony? What if it rains?
• Are there any noise ordinances in the city or town where the wedding would be held? Are there nosey neighbors or neighbors who would call the cops to complain about noise?
• Is there a large kitchen onsite? The caterer will have a lot of food to warm up or prepare and will need plenty of counter space and ovens. If you can’t offer that, the caterer may have to set up a catering tent and/or rent convection ovens.
• How many amps of electricity does the home have? Are there some circuits with available power? If you are bringing in a tent, the lighting and heating of the tent requires significant power. If you are bringing in a DJ or band, they require significant power. So does a nice portapotty. Find out if you have enough power to provide or whether you will need to rent a generator.
• Is the home in an area known to have poor drainage in the event or rain? Is it especially buggy in the summer and if so, can the property be sprayed?

In general, unless it’s a very well equipped property or a wedding smaller than 50 guests, I advise against holding a wedding in someone’s home or on their property. The logistics can get very complicated and I would definitely suggest that you hire a wedding planner to make sure that all of these details are covered.

Please use a caterer for your wedding in a private residence. Don’t rely on your friends, family or let alone, yourself to prepare food. If you need to, you can prepare the food in advance and rent wait staff and bartenders to serve it – but please outsource at least some of this for your own sanity!

Are you planning to get married in a private home?

(photo by Closed Circle Photo)

Considerations When Hiring a Wedding Photographer

Wedding photography is an investment – don’t skimp on it! It’s one of the few things that will remain long after your wedding is over. You probably already know that most wedding photographers shoot with digital cameras, not film but here are some other questions to ask yourselves before you even pick up the phone to call photographers:

Are you planning to see each other before the wedding? Most gay couples I’ve worked with have had their formal group photos taken before the ceremony so that they can immediately enjoy cocktail hour with their guests. As a point of reference, many straight couples first see each other when the bride walks down the aisle and have their formal photos taken during cocktail hour.

Do you want a photographer who will shoot all day? This could include those shots of you and your partner getting ready for the wedding and formal photos before the ceremony? Or do you just want wedding day coverage?

What photographic style are you drawn to? Photos that look like fine art or capture little moments? Photos that look like they could be from a fashion magazine? There are names for all those styles so think about the kind you like best.

Are you planning to walk down two aisles or enter your wedding ceremony from two different directions? If so, you may want to consider asking the photographer to bring an assistant.

Will you need lots of formal group shots? Those are the shots that include your wedding party and family members.

Will you want a wedding album? This design service is provided by most photographers but you can also create one on your own through a website like www.AlbumBoutique.com

Once you’ve answered those questions yourselves, you’ll be much better prepared to meet a photographer. Keep in mind you will be spending 6+ hours with a photographer on your wedding day and should like his or her personality. When you’re meeting the photographer, there are some requisite questions to ask in addition to reviewing their portfolio, but above all, you should click with the photographer. Here’s a standard list of questions when interviewing a photographer:

· Have you shot a gay wedding before?

· How would you describe your style?

· How many photos do you shoot at a typical wedding?

· Do we get proofs of the images?

· What level of editing do you provide photos before we receive them? Color correction, getting rid of EXIT signs, etc?

· Do we get full use of high resolution images after the wedding?

· Do we book an album through you or can we make our own?

· How long does it take for you to give us the high resolution wedding photos?

· How long does it take for you to produce an album?

· What is your back up plan in case of emergency?

· Do you offer an assistant and for how much extra?

· Do you offer an engagement photo shoot and for how much extra?

· How many weddings do you shoot in a weekend?

· How is your pricing structured?

Photo by Prideful Engagements

Getting Married by a Military Chaplain

It's super exciting that the Pentagon will now let military chaplains officiate gay marriage ceremonies. This is in light of the recent repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

We have worked with many couples who are former or current military. In fact, one of our brides who was married last Saturday was a manager at an Air Force base in Afghanistan, and would have loved to have the option of being married by a military chaplain.

So, because we dream in logistics, some important considerations if you are interested in being married by a military chaplain:

1. First off, the chaplain has the right to say no, that he or she is not comfortable officiating the ceremony or if it goes against his or her personal or religious beliefs. So not all chaplains are an option for you.

2. The ceremony must be legal and you must live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal. Military chaplains are only allowed to perform legal marriage ceremonies for couples who live in states where a legal ceremony is an option.

3. The ceremony must be on a military base.

Is this something you would consider for your marriage?

(photo by Katje Hempel)

Five Tips for an Amazing Gay Wedding

I'm normally one to say something like "screw the rules and reinvent the wedding" and we do - every day with the gay weddings we produce. But anyone who knows me knows my obsession with wedding ceremonies and the wedding flow, so I really do believe a great wedding should follow some simple rules because, no matter how beautiful your 20 foot bar is, it makes no difference to your guests if they are waiting in line 20 minutes for a cocktail.

My rules for planning a fabulous gay wedding:

1. Care about the ceremony and put some thought into it. After all, if you really think about it, gay weddings change the world and it all starts with the celebration of marriage.

2. Think about the guests' experience. How do they know where to go, where to park, where to walk? What is the first thing they see, hear, touch, taste, smell and experience when they enter the space? How do they feel welcome and accommodated?

3. Hire enough bartenders and order enough food. Cocktail hour is the busiest time of a wedding. If you don't have enough bartenders, your guests will get annoyed. If you are afraid that there will be a huge line at the bar, then have servers passing some drinks to guests. Order enough food so that the guests aren't waiting for food to come out of the kitchen and the hors d'oeuvres don't run out before cocktail hour is over. Don't skimp!

4. Make your wedding interactive and provide conversation starters, particularly if you pass on wedding traditions. Don't just have dinner and dancing but add enough elements so your guests aren't bored.

5. Be Yourselves. These rules can be interpreted and personalized any way you want - it's your wedding and your expression of your relationship and now, marriage. It's not your mom's or sister's gay wedding. Follow your heart and your instinct and put your own stamp on the experience.

Do you think these rules are too strict? What rules are you following for your own wedding day?

Photo by Kat Hempel

Setting Your Wedding Budget

Your wedding budget dictates many things about your wedding and truly, before you do almost anything else, you have to figure out what your budget is and where the money is coming from. It's an absolute imperative. First establish whether there will be any financial support from parents, and if possible, exactly how much. I know it's a difficult conversation to have but the more you put it off, the more difficult it will be.

The cost of a wedding varies greatly by region of the country. For example, a wedding in New York City is much more expensive than a wedding in Memphis or even a wedding in Chicago. As a general rule of thumb, if you are going to feed your guests a full dinner (whether's it's plated or a buffet), give them hors d'oeuvres, have an open bar and a wedding cake, you should expect to pay $100 and up (and it can go WAY up) per guest. And that $100 per person charge doesn't typically include things like sales tax, gratuity or an administrative and/or venue rental fee, which can be another 30% or more.

Add to that professional photography, wedding planning, invitations, music, officiant, etc and weddings get pricey. Don't be scared - just be realistic and honest with yourself about what you can and cannot afford. And trust me, your wedding is worth it!!

photo by Infinity Portrait Design