Gay and Lesbian Engagement Rings

In the wedding industry, we refer to this time as "engagement season" since many couples, straight and gay, get engaged between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day. I know that many same-sex couples have questions about who proposes and who gets the ring...

Anyone can propose marriage, but in gay relationships, it's very common for the other partner to propose back, at a separate time. So each partner gets to experience the exhilaration of being proposed to!

In my experience, many gay men will only wear one ring, not two. In this case, often the engagement ring will double as a wedding band.

Younger lesbian brides (those under 40) are likelier to wear two rings. For example, my wife Jen, like many lesbians, wears her engagement ring and wedding band next to each other on the same finger. This is very common, and of course, traditional. My engagement ring doesn't have a stone (my choice) so my engagement ring is now on the ring finger of my right hand, and my wedding band is on the ring finger of my left hand.

I've noticed that gay and lesbian couples who are older and/or who've been together for a long time, already wear rings and in this case, usually substitute those rings with new wedding bands, forgoing an engagement ring altogether. These couples are also less likely to have had a traditional "pop the question" proposal experience, hence the lack of engagement rings.

What are you doing for your engagement rings? Who popped the question?

Toasting Your Guests

Did you know that at some point during a gay wedding reception, one or both newlywed partners toasts their guests? It happens so frequently that it's truly become a gay wedding tradition.

The reason many of my clients have wanted to do this is because they want to acknowledge the love and support they feel from their guests who have made the effort to be at the wedding. For many guests, going to a gay wedding is a big deal and unchartered territory. The couple usually understands and appreciates that.

Some tips for toasting your guests:

* The best time is as guests sit down for dinner, after your first dance, OR right after the cake cutting and before dancing starts

* Keep the toast brief, under 2 minutes

* Keep the toast positive and affirming, as an expression of gratitude

Are you planning to toast your guests during your wedding reception?

Photo by Julia Cumes

The Perfect Wedding Toast

Sorry I've been MIA - my wife just delivered our first baby on Halloween so needless to say, I've had my hands full!

I wanted to share some tips for giving the perfect toast at a gay wedding. If you are engaged, share these tips with whomever you will ask to toast for you. If you have been asked to offer a toast, this is a good start.

* First off, forget about roles and rules. Just because someone is in your wedding party or related to you does not mean they are qualified to give you a toast. Your best friend/attendant may not be a great public speaker. Don't torture him or her by asking for a toast.

* Instead ask people you know can be charming, witty and eloquent without talking too much.

* This is toast, not a roast, so it should be kept clean and PG-rated!

* The perfect toast should be less than 3 minutes long. Don't bore your guests.

* You should have no more than 4 toasts at your wedding.

* Toasts are best split up to be after the first course and after the second course (if a seated dinner), or after all the guests have returned with their dinner plates (if a buffet/food stations).

* Ideally, if you have four toasts, two should be offered to each partner, or one to each partner, and two to each of you.

If you follow these tips, the toasts will almost definitely be a success! Who are you asking to toast at your wedding?

photo by Kristin Korpos