Wedding Invitation Wording for Gay Wedding Invitations

When you are deciding how to word your wedding invitations, most couples start with who is hosting the wedding. And by hosting, I mean actively supporting and/or paying for the wedding. The hosts could be a combination of parents, families, brides or grooms, their kids, etc. And that's how invitations start.

For example:

Parents Inviting:
Jeffrey and Theresa Person
and
Joseph and Eileen Thompson
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage uniting their children
Joanne Person and Jamie Thompson

Couple Inviting:
Joanne Person and Jamie Thompson
request the pleasure of your company...

Couple and Parents/Family:
Together with our parents (you can substitute families)
Joanne Person and Jamie Thompson
request the pleasure of your company...

or

Joanne Person and Jamie Thompson
together with our parents (you can substitute families)
request the pleasure of your company...

Couple and their Children:
Joanne Person and Jamie Thompson
together with Louis and Julia
request the pleasure of your company...

If the names of the two brides or two grooms are on two separate lines, then who goes first? Alphabetical of course!

Here are some examples of the "request" line that I like:

• joyfully invite you to share in their celebration of marriage
• please share in our gaiety as we wed (those were very silly brides!)
• joyfully request the honor of your presence
• invite you to rejoice in our love
• invite you to join in the celebration

And don't forget your invitation suite should also include a response card or postcard and also a logistics card with directions and your wedding website URL.

What's Normal? What Does a Gay Wedding Look Like?

One of the questions I often get from couples and clients (and reporters and anyone curious about gay weddings) is, “What’s normal? What does a gay wedding look like?” This is one of the reasons I developed a seminar for engaged same-sex couples and another seminar for those in the wedding industry hoping to work with them—and it’s the main reason I wrote my book!

Every time gay marriage becomes legal in a new place, this question arises over and over. Couples never expected the day would come and don’t know what to do to prepare or how to make their wedding special. In fact, I went to an event recently where I heard a story of an Iowa couple who came to Massachusetts to get married one week before the ruling legalizing gay marriage in Iowa was issued. I know that when many same-sex couples in Iowa began applying for their marriage licenses, they were thinking, “Now what? How the heck do I plan a gay wedding?”

You should know that any wedding, gay or straight, should be about the personality and style of the couple. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. The fundamental decisions are the same regardless of the couple’s orientation. You have to think about how much to spend, who to invite, what kind of celebration to have, and where to have it. This is your wedding and you've waited long enough for the rights - don't let anyone ever say anything to you like, "That's not what happens at a REAL wedding." You can define what is your own normal.

photo by Closed Circle Photography

Questions for Wedding Officiants

Whether you choose a friend or someone else to marry you, to help you find the person who is best for your needs, here are some questions to ask when meeting with officiants:

• What is your experience with marriage ceremonies for same-sex couples?
• How do you charge? (You’ll notice that some officiants charge a fee and others accept donations or honorariums, which often go toward the house of worship that they’re affiliated with. Most often these fees are paid in advance, but if not, the payment should include a note of appreciation. This is traditionally presented by the best man, but in gay weddings, can be presented by your wedding planner, best person, or even yourself.)
• Do you provide a ceremony microphone for yourself and readers? (I recommend a microphone for weddings with more than fifty guests.)
• Will you attend and run the ceremony rehearsal? If the officiant performs several ceremonies in one weekend, find out whether he or she will be at your rehearsal. Some may not, and if you and/or your planner are not comfortable with that, choose someone else.
• Do you write custom ceremonies?
• Do you require pre-marital counseling?
• Can we write our own vows?
• Do you have sample readings?
• How long do your marriage ceremonies usually last?
• Do you have any audio or video footage of a ceremony you officiated?

Note that it’s traditional for the officiant and his or her spouse (if applicable) to be invited to the rehearsal dinner and wedding. The officiants I know usually decline because they have their own families and perform at many weddings. But it is a nice gesture to invite them nonetheless.

Who is officiating your wedding ceremony?

(Photo by Kat Hempel)

Most Popular Gay Wedding Ceremony Readings

I say this all the time, but my favorite part of gay weddings is the ceremony. We've fought for the right to legally marry, and the ceremony is the chance to truly celebrate that, in a personal and meaningful way. Many same-sex couples will travel to New York for gay weddings and I hope they take the care to craft a beautiful ceremony which brings out the waterworks in friends and family. If you're looking for someone to help with that, hire a Celebrant to write the script for you and officiate!

Here are the top five most commonly read readings at gay weddings in Boston, New York and throughout New England, based on my experience witnessing hundreds of gay wedding ceremonies:

5. Corinthians, from the Bible. This may surprise many of you but it's an oldie but goodie...

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

4. From Touched by an Angel, by Maya Angelou:

We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.

3. Excerpt from Song of the Open Road, by Walt Whitman, our celebrated gay writer:

I do not offer the old smooth prizes,
But offer rough new prizes,
These are the days that must happen to you:
You shall not heap up what is called riches,
You shall scatter with lavish hand all that you earn or achieve.
However sweet the laid-up stores,
However convenient the dwellings,
You shall not remain there.
However sheltered the port,
And however calm the waters,
You shall not anchor there.
However welcome the hospitality that welcomes you
You are permitted to receive it but a little while
Afoot and lighthearted, take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before you,
The long brown path before you,
leading wherever you choose.
Say only to one another:
Camerado, I give you my hand!
I give you my love, more precious than money,
I give you myself before preaching or law:
Will you give me yourself?
Will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

2. The Art of Marriage, author unknown

A good marriage must be created.

In the art of marriage the little things are the big things –-
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once each day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is not only marrying the right partner –-
It is being the right partner.

1. Excerpt from the Goodridge v The Massachusetts Department of Public Health ruling (written by Judge Margaret Marshall) that first legalized gay marriage in Massachusetts:

Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations....Without question, civil marriage enhances the "welfare of the community." It is a "social institution of the highest importance." ...

Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family.... Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition.

What readings are you having at your gay wedding ceremony?

photo by Casey McCormack

Gay Friendly Wedding Vendors in New York

For couples who are planning a New York gay wedding, it's easy to be overwhelmed by all the options. There are so many search results that come up in google when you search "New York wedding venue" or "New York gay wedding venue", for example.

So how do find the wedding vendors who you know will truly have your back? Who will truly be the most inclusive and supportive advocates for you and your partner during your wedding planning process? There are a lot of New Yorkers (yes, even in the wedding industry) who don't believe in gay marriage.

Your first stop should be www.SoYoureEnGAYged.com, of course! Their wedding vendor directory is the only one in the U.S. that makes sure that the included vendors not only talk the talk, but walk the walk. Those wedding vendors have proven to SYE that they have gender neutral photos and marketing materials so same-sex couples don't feel isolated or "less than." I really admire their integrity and their directory is vast, with vendors for whatever your style and taste is.

So you can visit www.SoYoureEnGAYged.com on the web, of course, or just download our very own Gay Wedding Confidential wedding planning app (it's free!) and the SYE directory is built right in. Gay wedding planning at your fingertips!

(Photo by Cheryl Levine)

Five Tips for a Great New York Gay Wedding

Now that same-sex marriage is legal in New York, I'm sure that many of you have started your planning! Here are some tips for planning an incredible wedding in New York!

1. "I now pronounce you LEGALLY married!" That's a very powerful statement and it'll be made in one more state. Your guests will be in tears of joy for you as you are legally married. Consider hiring a Celebrant to write a personal and meaningful wedding ceremony for you.

2. Gay wedding traditions are alive and well. Think about incorporating one or more into your wedding, such as offering champagne to the guests before the wedding ceremony starts.

3. New York is so much more than New York City. You can also have a barn wedding in the Hudson Valley, a vineyard wedding on Long Island, or even a wedding in Niagra Falls. The choices are endless!

4. New York City weddings cost more than most places in the country. If you are planning a wedding in New York City and are budget-conscious, keep an eye on that guest list as an area for savings.

5. Remember that your wedding is your own. It's not your mom's, or your sister's, or your Aunt Suzie's. You can have any kind of wedding you want. Ignore any pressure you may get to follow tradition and feel free to have fun with the plans and make them extra reflective of who you are as a couple

And of course, we can help!

Are you planning a same-sex wedding in New York?

(photo by Kat Hempel)