To Keep or Not to Keep Straight Wedding Traditions?

Most of us have been to a bunch of straight weddings and now that you're planning your own gay wedding, it seems obvious to look to those straight weddings for inspiration. After all, it's what we grew up knowing...the ceremony (often religious), photos during cocktail hour, a long break between the ceremony and reception, the wedding party introduction, the first dance, father-daughter dance, mother-son dance, dinner, toasts, dancing, line dances, garter toss, bouquet toss, cake cutting, yadda yadda yadda...maybe a Horah for good measure...

I've planned hundreds of gay weddings and I can tell you that we skip a bunch of these things!! SOMETIMES my couples will do a first dance and cake cutting, but that's about it! If parent dances happen, they typically happen spontaneously, rather than to a specific song. Formal photos typically happen before the ceremony.

As far as I'm concerned (and most of my clients agree), when it comes to these elements, turn them on their head! Why introduce the wedding party? It's your day and you may not even have a wedding party. Why do photos during cocktail hour when you can enjoy a cocktail with your closest peeps?!

What traditions are you keeping and what are you ditching?

(photo by Closed Circle Photo)

Planning Your Gay Wedding from Across the Country

Gay weddings are a destination business. Many couples plan their wedding in a place where it's legal from clear across the country. We've had clients from about 30 U.S. states. It's definitely a challenge finding the right team of people to work with when you live somewhere else, especially if you are concerned about minimizing the number of planning trips you have to take to your wedding destination.

So, whether you are planning a New York gay wedding, a Boston or Provincetown gay wedding, or going to Vermont or somewhere else, there are a few tips that are notable:

1. Make those trips count. You should be exhausted by the end! You should book yourselves solid during those few days you are planning. Maybe you've scheduled 10 venue site visits. If you haven't, then you should on your first trip And don't stop there. Meet as many photographers, bakers, etc during each visit as you can. You should return home with a bunch of things crossed off your list of things to do.

2. Prioritize. What types of vendors are you most comfortable hiring over the phone or by email? Some of my clients are cool dealing with floral and music by phone and email. Some need to meet every single person they hire. For example, of course you're going to want to taste cake and have a catering tasting during your visit. Make your appointments wisely.

3. Skype! Skype is your friend. Most of us in the wedding industry are used to Skyping with our clients, so if you can't meet personally with every vendor, then Skype is the next best thing so you can get some face time.

4. Hire a wedding planner (preferably one experienced with gay weddings)! Of course, this makes everything easier so that your trips are well organized and your time is well spent.

5. Consolidate your appointments. During your last trip before the wedding, get everybody in the same room at the same time so that you can all be on the same page and talk through the wedding schedule, flow and design together. Some vendors (like the photographer and baker) don't need to be there, but if you can get the caterer, florist, wedding planner and venue manager there, that's an excellent use of your time.

Are you planing a long distance destination wedding?

(photo of one of our weddings planned long distance, by Kat Hempel)

Planning a Green Gay Wedding

Green Weddings

Planning a green or organic wedding need not be a sacrifice or a compromise of your fabulous gay wedding vision. It's actually quite easy to be green. Here are a few tips:

Clothing

Hemp wedding gowns used to be hideous – but now there are actually many stylish options. Check out this site for some ideas for your gown and bridesmaids dresses. Consider a wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses than can be worn again. Consider repurposing a mom’s wedding dress.

Venue

There are many hotels and other venues in the Greater Boston area that are energy-ecient, use

environmentally friendly products, have comprehensive recycling programs and minimize water, waste and toxins. Other spaces charge a rental fee that support efforts to preserve beautiful places.

Invitations and Stationary

Eco-friendly invitations exist – partially-recycled paper is fairly easy to nd and it's even possible to order paper that's plantable with embedded seeds. Minimize the use of stationary by eliminating save the date cards, ceremony programs and place cards.

Food and Drink

Beyond the obvious – organic food, cake, beer and wine – you can simply consider local ingredients. Massachusetts has many local farms that supply the nest restaurants and caterers, and locally grown food always tastes better. There are several local cake bakeries that will use only organic ingredients.

Décor

Organic owers can be tricky to nd but locally grown owers are great, too. Use owers that are in season that do not need to be transported from around the world (orchids are extremely popular but come to us from Asia, for example). Ask if your orist will rent vases or if they have any made from recycled glass. Also consider table linens made of organic cotton, silk or recycled materials. Use beeswax or soy candles instead of the standard petroleum variety. Skip favors for guests – they won't even notice – or, better yet, instead make a donation on behalf of each to a local nonprofit organization and indicate so with a card at each table. If you do want to leave a favor, consider tulip bulbs, saplings, organic chocolate or another sustainable option.

Transportation

Cut down on transportation costs and its environmental impact by having your ceremony and reception at the same location, or within an easy walk.

Photo by Infinity Portrait Design

Do You Need a Wedding Planner?

I’m biased but I think that if you can aff ord a wedding planner, he or she is worth the expense. If you think about all the times you have to come out when planning your wedding you’ll realize

how nice it would be to have someone do that for you. Part of your planner’s job is to make sure every vendor you meet is as sweet as pie, not discriminatory.

Taken right from my website, here are my top fourteen reasons (in reverse order) that you need a wedding planner:

14. You live across the country but are looking to get married in a place where it’s legal and bring a bunch of loved ones with you, and have no idea who to hire or trust in that area.

13. You’re very intelligent but don’t have a good sense of how to create a cohesive vision and pull

together the right colors, fabrics, lights, sounds, and flowers to create a wedding that tells your

story.

12. Your and your partner are both busy professionals, possibly with one or more kids, a lot of friends, family, and hobbies, and just don’t have the time to make wedding plans.

11. You realize that it’s less than six months to your preferred wedding date and you have no idea where to start.

10. You have been engaged for months, still don’t have a date, and are too overwhelmed to sort

through the 770,000 wedding venues that showed up in Google.

9. You need someone to manage your budget and make sure you stick to it.

8. You want to be sure that the vendors you hire are reliable, trustworthy, and do beautiful work.

7. You have a vision for your wedding, but don’t know how to turn your ideas into reality (and you might need help convincing your fi ancé that your ideas aren’t that crazy).

6. You want to avoid the mistakes you’ve seen at other people’s weddings—poor fl ow to the event, not enough people dancing, the wedding ending early, bad food, cheesy DJ and more.

5. You want to save money! You love the idea of a planner who can help you receive discounts from vendors and give you tips on how to save money.

4. You don’t want to be asked when you walk into a bridal, cake or fl oral studio, “so which one of

you is the bride?” or “where’s the bride?”

3. The etiquette questions are driving you mad: who to invite, what wording to use, how to deal

with family issues, whether to invite kids, and more.

2. You don’t want to worry on your big day. The last thing you want on your wedding day is to

worry about the schedule, the fl ow, where to put the guestbook, if the DJ will be late, the flowers and the cake.

1. And finally, you want to enjoy your engagement! You want to spend the months prior to your

wedding spending quality time with your fiancée, planning your honeymoon, picking out china, and otherwise daydreaming about blissful married life!

photo by Jag Studios