Weddings in Private Homes

In theory, there are some nice advantages to planning a wedding at your home or another private residence. The home could have a special meaning to you. You could save on a venue rental fee. You are not limited by an eight hour rental period and can set up and break down at your leisure. The party could go all night if you want.

But don’t be blinded by the advantages and think through these potential obstacles before making your final decision:

• How is your septic system? Can it handle 50 or more guests? Do you have 2 or more restrooms that guests can use? Will you have to rent portapotties or a luxury potatpotty trailer?
• How is your parking situation? Is there enough parking for all of the vendors in the driveway. What about the guests? Will you have to hire a valet or rent a lot and provide shuttle service?
• Is the home big enough for everyone to be inside for dinner and dancing? Or will you require a tent? Are you prepared to deal with the damage that tents (and the tent delivery truck) cause to the lawn?
• Is there a good spot on the property for a wedding ceremony? What if it rains?
• Are there any noise ordinances in the city or town where the wedding would be held? Are there nosey neighbors or neighbors who would call the cops to complain about noise?
• Is there a large kitchen onsite? The caterer will have a lot of food to warm up or prepare and will need plenty of counter space and ovens. If you can’t offer that, the caterer may have to set up a catering tent and/or rent convection ovens.
• How many amps of electricity does the home have? Are there some circuits with available power? If you are bringing in a tent, the lighting and heating of the tent requires significant power. If you are bringing in a DJ or band, they require significant power. So does a nice portapotty. Find out if you have enough power to provide or whether you will need to rent a generator.
• Is the home in an area known to have poor drainage in the event or rain? Is it especially buggy in the summer and if so, can the property be sprayed?

In general, unless it’s a very well equipped property or a wedding smaller than 50 guests, I advise against holding a wedding in someone’s home or on their property. The logistics can get very complicated and I would definitely suggest that you hire a wedding planner to make sure that all of these details are covered.

Please use a caterer for your wedding in a private residence. Don’t rely on your friends, family or let alone, yourself to prepare food. If you need to, you can prepare the food in advance and rent wait staff and bartenders to serve it – but please outsource at least some of this for your own sanity!

Are you planning to get married in a private home?

Photo by Closed Circle Photo

Creating a Wedding Registry for Your Same-Sex Wedding

Are you registering for gifts? It seems like the answer should obvious, but in fact, many same-sex couples do not. The top two reasons for not registering that I’ve observed are:

1. Many same-sex couples have already been together for years, accumulating a houseful of great stuff—and just don’t need to register.

2. Many LGBT couples would rather their guests support an important charity, such as those that fight for marriage equality everywhere, rather than give them gifts.

However, many more couples do register for gifts, assuming that inasmuch as most people are going to give them stuff anyway, it should be stuff they actually want, right? Be aware, however, that while most guests give a gift to the couple, they are not obligated to do so, and you should never expect one.

You should note that most stores are still very heterosexist when it comes to wedding registries. There’s a good chance you’ll see “bride’s name” and “groom’s name” on paperwork and on websites. There may be assumptions made about your relationship if you go to the store in person to register for items. The salesclerk might not be enthusiastic. The good news is that the most popular stores allow you to set up your registry online if you would prefer to do so.

So how do you appropriately create a registry?

As a couple, make a list of what you need to furnish and decorate your home. Plan out décor and colors. What is your style: contemporary, traditional, country, or something else?

• Register for more items than you actually need. Guests like choices and you’re not going to get everything on your list.

• Register for gifts across a spectrum of budgets, so your guests have options depending on what they can afford. (Don’t make assumptions about people’s generosity (or lack thereof). You’ll be surprised by who gives what!)

• Register at multiple stores to give your guests an option that is comfortable for them. For example, even if you register for lower-priced items at Saks, some guests won’t even bother to look there, so also include a more budget-friendly option like Target.

• Remember that it is never good etiquette to include registry information with your wedding invitations. However, this information may be included on shower invitations or you may link to the registries on your wedding website. And you can include the wedding website URL on a logistics card that is enclosed with your invitation suite.

• Provide the store with an address where gifts can be sent. Your guests will like having the option of not bringing the physical gifts to the wedding.

• Consider registering through a charity like the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) or Marriage Equality USA. Guests can make a donation in your name and feel good about their choice.
• If you do register for "stuff", check out Newlywish.com, a site with interesting, boutique products and experiences.

• Yes, you can register for a honeymoon if you wish. Some honeymoon registries double as travel agents so you can book your plans directly through them. Others, like Honeyfund, are merely vessels by which you receive checks from your guests. You can indicate where you are going and outline what you may do while you are there. Guests may, for example, treat you to a spa visit, a sailing expedition, dinner on the beach, or a guided tour through a rainforest. It’s a nice win-win. Your guests feel like they are contributing to your honeymoon and they are (and the money you receive that is earmarked for a particular activity may be used in any way you like.)

Are you planning to create a wedding registry?