Easy Wedding Websites

Many of my clients have many guests from other states at their wedding. I always recommend creating a wedding Web site as a central location for all of your wedding information, and I have some special tips to share to do this most effectively:

*Buy your personal domain (for example, www.bobandbill.com) through GoDaddy.com (my preferred site for domain registration).
Set up a free wedding Web site through a site like here on TheKnot.com or also WeddingWire.com or MyWedding.com

*Go to the “Manage My Domains” section on GoDaddy and set the personal domain to forward to the often-lengthy URL provided by WeddingWire, TheKnot or your other wedding website.

*Share your personal domain (e.g., www.bobandbill.com) on your save-the dates and other wedding materials.

*Use GoDaddy after the wedding when the professional photographs are ready, and change the forwarding destination of the personal domain to the link provided by your photographer.

*Tell your guests to go to your personal domain to view your professional wedding photos.

This process is quick and painless and there are countless templates to choose from!

Weddings in Private Homes

In theory, there are some nice advantages to planning a wedding at your home or another private residence. The home could have a special meaning to you. You could save on a venue rental fee. You are not limited by an eight hour rental period and can set up and break down at your leisure. The party could go all night if you want.

But don’t be blinded by the advantages and think through these potential obstacles before making your final decision:

• How is your septic system? Can it handle 50 or more guests? Do you have 2 or more restrooms that guests can use? Will you have to rent portapotties or a luxury potatpotty trailer?
• How is your parking situation? Is there enough parking for all of the vendors in the driveway. What about the guests? Will you have to hire a valet or rent a lot and provide shuttle service?
• Is the home big enough for everyone to be inside for dinner and dancing? Or will you require a tent? Are you prepared to deal with the damage that tents (and the tent delivery truck) cause to the lawn?
• Is there a good spot on the property for a wedding ceremony? What if it rains?
• Are there any noise ordinances in the city or town where the wedding would be held? Are there nosey neighbors or neighbors who would call the cops to complain about noise?
• Is there a large kitchen onsite? The caterer will have a lot of food to warm up or prepare and will need plenty of counter space and ovens. If you can’t offer that, the caterer may have to set up a catering tent and/or rent convection ovens.
• How many amps of electricity does the home have? Are there some circuits with available power? If you are bringing in a tent, the lighting and heating of the tent requires significant power. If you are bringing in a DJ or band, they require significant power. So does a nice portapotty. Find out if you have enough power to provide or whether you will need to rent a generator.
• Is the home in an area known to have poor drainage in the event or rain? Is it especially buggy in the summer and if so, can the property be sprayed?

In general, unless it’s a very well equipped property or a wedding smaller than 50 guests, I advise against holding a wedding in someone’s home or on their property. The logistics can get very complicated and I would definitely suggest that you hire a wedding planner to make sure that all of these details are covered.

Please use a caterer for your wedding in a private residence. Don’t rely on your friends, family or let alone, yourself to prepare food. If you need to, you can prepare the food in advance and rent wait staff and bartenders to serve it – but please outsource at least some of this for your own sanity!

Are you planning to get married in a private home?

Photo by Closed Circle Photo

Creating a Wedding Registry for Your Same-Sex Wedding

Are you registering for gifts? It seems like the answer should obvious, but in fact, many same-sex couples do not. The top two reasons for not registering that I’ve observed are:

1. Many same-sex couples have already been together for years, accumulating a houseful of great stuff—and just don’t need to register.

2. Many LGBT couples would rather their guests support an important charity, such as those that fight for marriage equality everywhere, rather than give them gifts.

However, many more couples do register for gifts, assuming that inasmuch as most people are going to give them stuff anyway, it should be stuff they actually want, right? Be aware, however, that while most guests give a gift to the couple, they are not obligated to do so, and you should never expect one.

You should note that most stores are still very heterosexist when it comes to wedding registries. There’s a good chance you’ll see “bride’s name” and “groom’s name” on paperwork and on websites. There may be assumptions made about your relationship if you go to the store in person to register for items. The salesclerk might not be enthusiastic. The good news is that the most popular stores allow you to set up your registry online if you would prefer to do so.

So how do you appropriately create a registry?

As a couple, make a list of what you need to furnish and decorate your home. Plan out décor and colors. What is your style: contemporary, traditional, country, or something else?

• Register for more items than you actually need. Guests like choices and you’re not going to get everything on your list.

• Register for gifts across a spectrum of budgets, so your guests have options depending on what they can afford. (Don’t make assumptions about people’s generosity (or lack thereof). You’ll be surprised by who gives what!)

• Register at multiple stores to give your guests an option that is comfortable for them. For example, even if you register for lower-priced items at Saks, some guests won’t even bother to look there, so also include a more budget-friendly option like Target.

• Remember that it is never good etiquette to include registry information with your wedding invitations. However, this information may be included on shower invitations or you may link to the registries on your wedding website. And you can include the wedding website URL on a logistics card that is enclosed with your invitation suite.

• Provide the store with an address where gifts can be sent. Your guests will like having the option of not bringing the physical gifts to the wedding.

• Consider registering through a charity like the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) or Marriage Equality USA. Guests can make a donation in your name and feel good about their choice.
• If you do register for "stuff", check out Newlywish.com, a site with interesting, boutique products and experiences.

• Yes, you can register for a honeymoon if you wish. Some honeymoon registries double as travel agents so you can book your plans directly through them. Others, like Honeyfund, are merely vessels by which you receive checks from your guests. You can indicate where you are going and outline what you may do while you are there. Guests may, for example, treat you to a spa visit, a sailing expedition, dinner on the beach, or a guided tour through a rainforest. It’s a nice win-win. Your guests feel like they are contributing to your honeymoon and they are (and the money you receive that is earmarked for a particular activity may be used in any way you like.)

Are you planning to create a wedding registry?

Tipping Tips!

Before tipping anyone, check carefully to see what is included in the bill … limo companies, caterers, and venues providing valet and coat check services may already have a line item for gratuity!

• Caterers: Look for a gratuity line item for both the service staff and the bartender. If it’s not included, leave thirty-five to fifty dollars per server and for the catering manager, and 15 to 20 percent of the bar bill for the bartender(s).
• Limo: Leave 15 to 20 percent of the bill.
• Musicians: Tip each musician twenty five dollars or more.
• DJ: A DJ should receive 15 percent of his fee, if they do not own their own company.
• Hair & Makeup: Tip the stylists 15 to 20 percent of their fees.
• Valet: Tip the valets fifty cents to one dollar per car.
• Coat Check: Coat checkers should receive fifty cents to one dollar per coat

For exceptional service, you may, but need not tip (or give a gift to) your:

• Photographer/Videographer
• Floral Designer
• Planner
• Cake-maker

photo by Kevin Day

Gay Weddings in Washington State

Washington State became the seventh U.S. state (plus D.C.) to legalize gay marriage on Monday when Governor Gregoire signed the marriage equality bill into law. This is very exciting but you may want to hold off on your gay wedding plans for a little bit longer. Opponents of marriage equality still may try to stop it from going into effect on June 7 - so the matter is not yet settled - but this is a huge step forward. Congratulations!

(photo by Kat Hempel)

Gay Wedding Planning Workshops in the NYC Area

It's engagement season - and if you are planning your gay wedding in the New York City area and looking for some expert advice, you are in luck! I'm participating in a couple of panel discussions soon as well as leading a solo workshop. All of these are designed to empower you to plan yourself a great gay wedding!

Here are the details:

Thursday, February 9, 6:30pm (solo presentation)

• Sponsored by MENY - click here to register
• LGBT Center, Manhattan

Sunday, February 12, 11am (panel discussion)

• WilliamsBrides event (excuse the non-inclusive name - it will be an inclusive event)
• Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Saturday, March 17, time TBD (panel discussion)

• The Original LGBT Expo
• Javits Center, Manhattan

Please stop by and say hi at any of these events! I would love to chat with you there and answer any planning questions you may have!

Photo by Kat Hempel

Popular Gay Wedding Ceremony Reading

Gay wedding ceremonies continue to have political elements and the latest trend I've seen is the use of an excerpt of the ruling by Judge Vaughn Walker in the Prop 8 Trial. What you see below is an excerpt which can be taken in full or further shortened for the ceremony:

“Marriage is the state recognition and approval of a couple’s choice to live with each other, to remain committed to one another and to form a household based on their own feelings about one another and to join in an economic partnership and support one another and any dependents. ... The right to marry has been historically and remains the right to choose a spouse and, with mutual consent, join together and form a household. Race and gender restrictions shaped marriage during eras of race and gender inequality, but such restrictions were never part of the historical core of the institution of marriage. Today, gender is not relevant to the state in determining spouses’ obligations to each other and to their dependents. Relative gender composition aside, same-sex couples are situated identically to opposite-sex couples in terms of their ability to perform the rights and obligations of marriage... Gender no longer forms an essential part of marriage; marriage under law is a union of equals…
They seek the mutual obligation and honor that attend marriage… seek recognition from the state that their union is ‘a coming together for better or for worse, hopefully enduring, and intimate to the degree of being sacred.’”

Of course lots of couples are still using the Goodridge ruling as well. Are you planning to have any political elements in your marriage ceremony?

photo by Kat Hempel