Five Tips for an Amazing Gay Wedding

I'm normally one to say something like "screw the rules and reinvent the wedding" and we do - every day with the gay weddings we produce. But anyone who knows me knows my obsession with wedding ceremonies and the wedding flow, so I really do believe a great wedding should follow some simple rules because, no matter how beautiful your 20 foot bar is, it makes no difference to your guests if they are waiting in line 20 minutes for a cocktail.

My rules for planning a fabulous gay wedding:

1. Care about the ceremony and put some thought into it. After all, if you really think about it, gay weddings change the world and it all starts with the celebration of marriage.

2. Think about the guests' experience. How do they know where to go, where to park, where to walk? What is the first thing they see, hear, touch, taste, smell and experience when they enter the space? How do they feel welcome and accommodated?

3. Hire enough bartenders and order enough food. Cocktail hour is the busiest time of a wedding. If you don't have enough bartenders, your guests will get annoyed. If you are afraid that there will be a huge line at the bar, then have servers passing some drinks to guests. Order enough food so that the guests aren't waiting for food to come out of the kitchen and the hors d'oeuvres don't run out before cocktail hour is over. Don't skimp!

4. Make your wedding interactive and provide conversation starters, particularly if you pass on wedding traditions. Don't just have dinner and dancing but add enough elements so your guests aren't bored.

5. Be Yourselves. These rules can be interpreted and personalized any way you want - it's your wedding and your expression of your relationship and now, marriage. It's not your mom's or sister's gay wedding. Follow your heart and your instinct and put your own stamp on the experience.

Do you think these rules are too strict? What rules are you following for your own wedding day?

Photo by Kat Hempel

Setting Your Wedding Budget

Your wedding budget dictates many things about your wedding and truly, before you do almost anything else, you have to figure out what your budget is and where the money is coming from. It's an absolute imperative. First establish whether there will be any financial support from parents, and if possible, exactly how much. I know it's a difficult conversation to have but the more you put it off, the more difficult it will be.

The cost of a wedding varies greatly by region of the country. For example, a wedding in New York City is much more expensive than a wedding in Memphis or even a wedding in Chicago. As a general rule of thumb, if you are going to feed your guests a full dinner (whether's it's plated or a buffet), give them hors d'oeuvres, have an open bar and a wedding cake, you should expect to pay $100 and up (and it can go WAY up) per guest. And that $100 per person charge doesn't typically include things like sales tax, gratuity or an administrative and/or venue rental fee, which can be another 30% or more.

Add to that professional photography, wedding planning, invitations, music, officiant, etc and weddings get pricey. Don't be scared - just be realistic and honest with yourself about what you can and cannot afford. And trust me, your wedding is worth it!!

photo by Infinity Portrait Design

Three Days of Parties (aka The Wedding Weekend)

Three days of parties. That's my term for what most people call "the wedding weekend." You know, where you have a bunch of out of town guests and plan something like a rehearsal dinner on Friday night, the wedding on Saturday and brunch on Sunday.

I think we can do better than that...that's very typical. Let's have three days of parties. Our clients do it all the time.

Think about it. Your wedding is probably the only time in your life all of your loved ones are in one place - and they are there to celebrate YOU. Might as well enjoy it all. Here's what three days of parties looks like for many of our clients:

Day 1 - Guest arrival

• Receive fun, whimsical and creative welcome basket upon hotel check in
• If you're in a city, evening cocktail party with heavy passed hors d'oeuvres and a very fun, casual vibe
• If you're somewhere more remote, a casual cookout style event with a bonfire on the beach, s'mores, etc

Day 2 - Tourist stuff and wedding

• If you're in a big city, arrange tickets to a game, tickets to a museum, tickets on some fun and cheesy tour with lunch
• If you're somewhere more remote, coordinated group activities (kayaking, games, hikes)
• If you're somewhere like Provincetown, group shopping and dining excursion, possibly a whale watch or Dune Tour
• Everyone freshens up and the couple gets ready for the wedding
• The wedding!
• After party!

Day 3 - Brunch and departures

• Most of your guests will head out on Sunday but send them off with a really sweet brunch with bloody marys and mimosas to aid in recovery - and be sure to be present at the brunch yourself to say goodbye to your guests!

How are you planning to show your guests a good time?

(Photo by Jag Studios, of a bonfire and s'mores at a private vacation rental on Cape Cod)

Creating Your Wedding Website

I always recommend creating a wedding website as a central location for all of your wedding information - but I have some special tips to share to do this most effectively:

• Buy your personal domain - i.e. www.bobandbill.com - thru GoDaddy.com (my preferred site for domain registration)
• Set up a free wedding website thru a site like WeddingWire.com which has some nice templates and allows you to be two brides or two grooms (you have to look through and change the icons, under settings)
• Go to the Manage My Domains section on GoDaddy and set the personal domain to forward to the often-lengthy URL provided by WeddingWire or your other wedding website
• Share your personal domain - i.e. www.bobandbill.com - on your save the dates and other wedding materials
• After the wedding, when the professional photographs are ready, back on GoDaddy, change the forwarding destination of the personal domain to the link provided by your photographer.
• Tell your guests to go to your personal domain to view your professional wedding photos.

photo by Gretje Ferguson

To Keep or Not to Keep Straight Wedding Traditions?

Most of us have been to a bunch of straight weddings and now that you're planning your own gay wedding, it seems obvious to look to those straight weddings for inspiration. After all, it's what we grew up knowing...the ceremony (often religious), photos during cocktail hour, a long break between the ceremony and reception, the wedding party introduction, the first dance, father-daughter dance, mother-son dance, dinner, toasts, dancing, line dances, garter toss, bouquet toss, cake cutting, yadda yadda yadda...maybe a Horah for good measure...

I've planned hundreds of gay weddings and I can tell you that we skip a bunch of these things!! SOMETIMES my couples will do a first dance and cake cutting, but that's about it! If parent dances happen, they typically happen spontaneously, rather than to a specific song. Formal photos typically happen before the ceremony.

As far as I'm concerned (and most of my clients agree), when it comes to these elements, turn them on their head! Why introduce the wedding party? It's your day and you may not even have a wedding party. Why do photos during cocktail hour when you can enjoy a cocktail with your closest peeps?!

What traditions are you keeping and what are you ditching?

(photo by Closed Circle Photo)

Planning Your Gay Wedding from Across the Country

Gay weddings are a destination business. Many couples plan their wedding in a place where it's legal from clear across the country. We've had clients from about 30 U.S. states. It's definitely a challenge finding the right team of people to work with when you live somewhere else, especially if you are concerned about minimizing the number of planning trips you have to take to your wedding destination.

So, whether you are planning a New York gay wedding, a Boston or Provincetown gay wedding, or going to Vermont or somewhere else, there are a few tips that are notable:

1. Make those trips count. You should be exhausted by the end! You should book yourselves solid during those few days you are planning. Maybe you've scheduled 10 venue site visits. If you haven't, then you should on your first trip And don't stop there. Meet as many photographers, bakers, etc during each visit as you can. You should return home with a bunch of things crossed off your list of things to do.

2. Prioritize. What types of vendors are you most comfortable hiring over the phone or by email? Some of my clients are cool dealing with floral and music by phone and email. Some need to meet every single person they hire. For example, of course you're going to want to taste cake and have a catering tasting during your visit. Make your appointments wisely.

3. Skype! Skype is your friend. Most of us in the wedding industry are used to Skyping with our clients, so if you can't meet personally with every vendor, then Skype is the next best thing so you can get some face time.

4. Hire a wedding planner (preferably one experienced with gay weddings)! Of course, this makes everything easier so that your trips are well organized and your time is well spent.

5. Consolidate your appointments. During your last trip before the wedding, get everybody in the same room at the same time so that you can all be on the same page and talk through the wedding schedule, flow and design together. Some vendors (like the photographer and baker) don't need to be there, but if you can get the caterer, florist, wedding planner and venue manager there, that's an excellent use of your time.

Are you planing a long distance destination wedding?

(photo of one of our weddings planned long distance, by Kat Hempel)

Planning a Green Gay Wedding

Green Weddings

Planning a green or organic wedding need not be a sacrifice or a compromise of your fabulous gay wedding vision. It's actually quite easy to be green. Here are a few tips:

Clothing

Hemp wedding gowns used to be hideous – but now there are actually many stylish options. Check out this site for some ideas for your gown and bridesmaids dresses. Consider a wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses than can be worn again. Consider repurposing a mom’s wedding dress.

Venue

There are many hotels and other venues in the Greater Boston area that are energy-ecient, use

environmentally friendly products, have comprehensive recycling programs and minimize water, waste and toxins. Other spaces charge a rental fee that support efforts to preserve beautiful places.

Invitations and Stationary

Eco-friendly invitations exist – partially-recycled paper is fairly easy to nd and it's even possible to order paper that's plantable with embedded seeds. Minimize the use of stationary by eliminating save the date cards, ceremony programs and place cards.

Food and Drink

Beyond the obvious – organic food, cake, beer and wine – you can simply consider local ingredients. Massachusetts has many local farms that supply the nest restaurants and caterers, and locally grown food always tastes better. There are several local cake bakeries that will use only organic ingredients.

Décor

Organic owers can be tricky to nd but locally grown owers are great, too. Use owers that are in season that do not need to be transported from around the world (orchids are extremely popular but come to us from Asia, for example). Ask if your orist will rent vases or if they have any made from recycled glass. Also consider table linens made of organic cotton, silk or recycled materials. Use beeswax or soy candles instead of the standard petroleum variety. Skip favors for guests – they won't even notice – or, better yet, instead make a donation on behalf of each to a local nonprofit organization and indicate so with a card at each table. If you do want to leave a favor, consider tulip bulbs, saplings, organic chocolate or another sustainable option.

Transportation

Cut down on transportation costs and its environmental impact by having your ceremony and reception at the same location, or within an easy walk.

Photo by Infinity Portrait Design