Tipping Tips!

Before tipping anyone, check carefully to see what is included in the bill … limo companies, caterers, and venues providing valet and coat check services may already have a line item for gratuity!

• Caterers: Look for a gratuity line item for both the service staff and the bartender. If it’s not included, leave thirty-five to fifty dollars per server and for the catering manager, and 15 to 20 percent of the bar bill for the bartender(s).
• Limo: Leave 15 to 20 percent of the bill.
• Musicians: Tip each musician twenty five dollars or more.
• DJ: A DJ should receive 15 percent of his fee, if they do not own their own company.
• Hair & Makeup: Tip the stylists 15 to 20 percent of their fees.
• Valet: Tip the valets fifty cents to one dollar per car.
• Coat Check: Coat checkers should receive fifty cents to one dollar per coat

For exceptional service, you may, but need not tip (or give a gift to) your:

• Photographer/Videographer
• Floral Designer
• Planner
• Cake-maker

photo by Kevin Day

Gay Weddings in Washington State

Washington State became the seventh U.S. state (plus D.C.) to legalize gay marriage on Monday when Governor Gregoire signed the marriage equality bill into law. This is very exciting but you may want to hold off on your gay wedding plans for a little bit longer. Opponents of marriage equality still may try to stop it from going into effect on June 7 - so the matter is not yet settled - but this is a huge step forward. Congratulations!

(photo by Kat Hempel)

Gay Wedding Planning Workshops in the NYC Area

It's engagement season - and if you are planning your gay wedding in the New York City area and looking for some expert advice, you are in luck! I'm participating in a couple of panel discussions soon as well as leading a solo workshop. All of these are designed to empower you to plan yourself a great gay wedding!

Here are the details:

Thursday, February 9, 6:30pm (solo presentation)

• Sponsored by MENY - click here to register
• LGBT Center, Manhattan

Sunday, February 12, 11am (panel discussion)

• WilliamsBrides event (excuse the non-inclusive name - it will be an inclusive event)
• Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Saturday, March 17, time TBD (panel discussion)

• The Original LGBT Expo
• Javits Center, Manhattan

Please stop by and say hi at any of these events! I would love to chat with you there and answer any planning questions you may have!

Photo by Kat Hempel

Popular Gay Wedding Ceremony Reading

Gay wedding ceremonies continue to have political elements and the latest trend I've seen is the use of an excerpt of the ruling by Judge Vaughn Walker in the Prop 8 Trial. What you see below is an excerpt which can be taken in full or further shortened for the ceremony:

“Marriage is the state recognition and approval of a couple’s choice to live with each other, to remain committed to one another and to form a household based on their own feelings about one another and to join in an economic partnership and support one another and any dependents. ... The right to marry has been historically and remains the right to choose a spouse and, with mutual consent, join together and form a household. Race and gender restrictions shaped marriage during eras of race and gender inequality, but such restrictions were never part of the historical core of the institution of marriage. Today, gender is not relevant to the state in determining spouses’ obligations to each other and to their dependents. Relative gender composition aside, same-sex couples are situated identically to opposite-sex couples in terms of their ability to perform the rights and obligations of marriage... Gender no longer forms an essential part of marriage; marriage under law is a union of equals…
They seek the mutual obligation and honor that attend marriage… seek recognition from the state that their union is ‘a coming together for better or for worse, hopefully enduring, and intimate to the degree of being sacred.’”

Of course lots of couples are still using the Goodridge ruling as well. Are you planning to have any political elements in your marriage ceremony?

photo by Kat Hempel

Planning Your Wedding in 15 Steps!

Most people who find this website are engaged and planning a gay wedding – and most people really don’t know how to begin! Here’s the cheat sheet for you, a quick list of what to do, and in what order.

If you really want to keep things easy, download our free app,Gay Wedding Confidential or buy our bookof the same name! Both have all these tools in more detail.

1. Make your guest list and stick to it. Create guest list policies. Figure out if you are having attendants.

2. Figure out how much you can afford to spend and where the money is coming from. Then revisit the guest list and trim if necessary.

3. Have a conversation with your partner about the non-negotiables that each of you may have about your overall wedding vision. For someone it may be a beach ceremony. For the other it may be getting married by a rabbi like my brides in the photo above, who wanted both. And so forth. Know each of your non-negotiables.

4. Hire a wedding planner to take care of the rest for you! Of course…and this is why.

5. Find a gay-friendly wedding venue that meets your criteria for non-negotiables, guest count and budget.

6. Shop for your wedding outfits and for your wedding party, also, if applicable.

7. Block hotel rooms near your wedding for out of town guests.

8. Make a wedding website and send out save the date cards.

9. Hire all the gay-friendly wedding professionals who only do one wedding per day (photographer, officiant, band, DJ, etc)

10. Spend time thinking about colors, themes, design, layout, flow, personal details like favors, etc.

11. Hire the gay-friendly wedding professionals who do more than one wedding per day (florist, cake maker, caterer etc)

12. Send out invitations, collect responses and figure out where everyone is seated.

13. Create a very detailed wedding day schedule and send it to everyone you’ve hired to be involved with your wedding.

14. Have a rehearsal!

15. Get married!

Did you just get engaged over the holidays?

(photo by Kat Hempel)

Weddings Officiated by Celebrants

As my regular readers know, my favorite part of a wedding is the ceremony because of its power and potential to change the world.

Whenever possible, I encourage LGBT couples to use a Celebrant to officiate their gay wedding ceremony. Not everyone who is a non-denominational minister is a Celebrant. Those who are officially Celebrants have taken intensive coursework on world cultures and traditions and been taught how to use stories to create custom ceremonies. The curriculum is rigorous!

Celebrants are ideal for couples who may be interfaith or non-religious but whom want a meaningful and powerful wedding ceremony that is more in-depth than what a judge or Justice of the Peace may provide.

Our own wedding (July 3, 2009) was officiated by Celebrant Cindy Matchett of Meaningful Weddings. Our wedding guests LOVED our ceremony which told the story of our relationship, shared some of our favorite things about each other and incorporated our cultures. Last year she officiated our son’s non-religious baby blessing. We absolutely adore Cindy and she feels like one of our family.

I’m honored to have been asked to give the keynote speech on April 28 at the Celebrant Institute’s Collective Wisdom Conference. This conference is part of the graduation of the current class of Celebrants and I’m excited to share with them my perspective on the power of same-sex weddings.

If you are looking for a Celebrant, you can find one in your area by visiting www.CelebrantInstitute.org

If you need other help with your plans, please visit us at www.14Stories.com, follow us on twitter or like us on Facebook.

Photo by Infinity Portrait Design

Who to Invite to Your Gay Wedding?

If you are newly engaged and planning a New York gay wedding, Boston gay wedding, Provincetown gay wedding, or anywhere else, you first have to start by creating a guest list.

Here are some important Dos and Don'ts when creating your guest list:

Do first think about your budget. Feeding and providing alcohol to all those people adds up, so first think about how many people you can afford to invite.

Do only invite people you actually want there. Skip the people who you feel like you have to invite out of obligation - and you can even skip "plus ones" if you don't actually know who the guest would be.

Do set policies and stick with them. Be consistent in the "rules" you set. For example, are kids invited? Are co-workers invited? Are exes invited?

Don't let your parents/family be pushy about the guest list...even if they are helping to pay. This means that if your parents are involved in the wedding and want to invite their co-workers, neighbors and friends (which is pretty unusual, by the way), stand your ground!

Don't invite people who don't support gay marriage. This means that if your Great Aunt Ellen signs anti-gay marriage petitions, then she shouldn't make the cut - unless you think she's flexible or could be convinced.

Who's making the cut on your wedding guest list?

(photo by www.gfergphoto.com)