Seamless Wedding Stationery

A few years ago, I planned a wedding at a summer camp. It's always fun to transform a space and in this case, we turned a camp dining hall into a wedding ballroom for the main event.

To the left you can see a photo of one of the dinner tables, each the name of a vegetable. We had a graphic designer named J Sherman Studio create custom design for all of the stationery elements - the invitations, table name signs, escort cards and so forth. The design was seamless and branded their wedding.

You can see more photos of the wedding right here!

Are you planning to "brand" your wedding?

To Elope or to Have a Wedding?

There have been about 70,000 legal same sex marriages performed in the U.S. since 2004 . That's a lot for sure, but I'm willing to bet (and I wish I had data on this) that many of those couples had a marriage ceremony, not a big gay wedding. I met a couple recently who like many couples, had a brief marriage in the Arlington Street Church in Boston that first week they were legal, when the ASC was holding marriage ceremonies every 15 minutes. I've personally helped many couples with similar ceremonies through my company's elopement packages.

I've noticed this subject as a debate among couples, especially those who never grew up thinking it would be possible to marry, or never envisioned their own wedding. I've met many couples who are unsure whether they want a wedding, or where one partner is trying to convince the other on the subject. In the beginning, back in 2004, many couples I worked with were in their 40s and 50s and there was enormous pent up demand for marriage. In the past couple of years, many couples I work with are in their 20s and early 30s - which is around my age and the average age couples in general marry in Massachusetts.

So what do you do - have a marriage ceremony/elopement or have a wedding? Of course, weddings cost a lot of money with the national average somewhere around $22,000. But I have a lot of experience with weddings and there is nothing more moving to me, still, to this day, than seeing a gay or lesbian couple stand up in front of their friends and family, and get legally married. And the validation and support they receive from their guests is truly priceless. The key word is validation. Gay weddings are jubilant. There is a sense of triumph. And I feel like there is no greater party.

I understand the desire to elope or to keep it small. Many brides (or grooms) don't like being the center of attention or simply can't or don't want to spend the money or deal with the planning stress. And I'll never try to convince a couple otherwise. That validation from "community" isn't something everyone needs.

So how do you reach a resolution? What did you decide? Are you having a marriage or a wedding?

The Post-Elopement Party for Same-Sex Couples

I work with many couples who live in other states. Some come to Massachusetts or New York or anywhere else gay marriage is legal for a basic elopement which just includes getting their marriage license in one day and having the wedding ceremony performed for them. Some want to add on cake, professional photography and accommodations. And some will bring 50 of their nearest and dearest for a big wedding celebration (for which the Massachusetts economy thanks them).

I've done it all, and it's always a great time. But I've noticed that many couples I work with on the elopements choose to celebrate their marriage with a party back in their home state. It's a nice compromise since it is often hard to get all of your loved ones to your chosen destination.

I was with two ladies this morning from New Mexico who are marrying on July 4 and will have a party back home later this summer. They'll have the privacy and discretion of their own marriage and then celebrate with an event that is more of a party than a wedding - and that is exactly their style.

If you are planning to marry in a destination where gay marriage is legal, are you planning to then have a party or wedding reception for your friends and family once you return to your home state? Tell me about it in the comments!

Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties for Gay Weddings

Of course bachelor and bachelorette parties are heterosexual traditions but they’re also a really good time—and another excuse for a party. In my experience planning tons of gay weddings, couples who are more settled tend not to have these parties, while couples that are starting out often do.

Being a same-sex couple can mean that you have a joint party or two separate parties. If you have separate groups of friends, separate parties are generally the way to go. But if your friends are merged, then I like a big party.

I have two brides who are partying independently and meeting up at a club at the end of the night. My wife Jen and I chose to party together over an informal dinner, followed by a trip to a strip club (the most tasteful one in the city, if you can believe it). We were both on our best behavior (look, don’t touch) and a great time was had by all.

Some couples who party separately have a “don’t ask, don’t tell policy” (a “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” kind of thing). If you plan on misbehaving that’s not a bad plan—just don’t drunk-dial or drunk-text at the end of the night. No unnecessary drama, right!

Are you planning to have a bachelor or bachelorette party? Are you partying together or separately?

Thoughts on Making it Legal and LGBT Rights

Yesterday, the Proposition 1 ballot initiative passed in North Carolina. I can honestly say that I was in tears. Our company has worked with dozens of couples from North Carolina over the years, including one of our 5/15/12 weddings and one of our 5/19/12 weddings. Two couples this month, from (yet another) state which treats them as second-class citizens.

The passage of this proposition forbids those kind, loving couples from equal marriage, civil unions, domestic partnerships and every other "family" construct. The way the amendment was written was truly horrifying.

I honestly try to focus this blog on the "how to..." elements of wedding planning, but the truth is that 14 Stories is an activist-type company. We care about the laws. We only plan legal weddings. We provide every couple we meet with a list of resources that can help them protect their families. The reality is, for LGBT couples, marriage is not enough.

14 Stories is paid to plan beautiful weddings, and I love that. But we have gone through the process of planning our own wedding, having some family support and some not, having to hire a lawyer for all this extra paperwork, the same stuff that every LGBT couple must face. And that's just the tip of the iceberg of what makes LGBT weddings different.

I love working with couples who give a damn, LGBT couples for whom this stuff is important, who don't take equal marriage rights for granted and who want to make some slight political statement with their marriage ceremony (and if you don't know how, we have ideas...)

Even if you live in a big city (like we do) with many LGBT friends (like we have), please don't take whatever rights you have for granted. We have to keep fighting because, in most of the world, our LGBT brothers and sisters have no rights. Even in states like California and Florida with "gay mecca" cities, LGBT couples have very limited rights.

Your marriage and wedding is important, of course, but please, above all, protect your family. Please contact us if you need resources in your area for financial planners, estate planning attorneys, insurance agents and other professionals who can help protect your family.

And please, along with us, keep up the good fight. It's not just about the wedding.

Seeking Lesbians in South Florida to Model for Us

We at 14 Stories are working on an exciting new project and need your help. Trust me, you will love what we have planned. If you live in South Florida, will you model for us?

1. petite: height 5'1" clothing size 2-4
2. height 5'5" clothing size 8-10
3. height 5'8" clothing size 12-14

We are also seeking women, genderqueer and FTM who bind their breasts. If you live in South Florida, please email us for more details and we'll share the specifics and the compensation.

Thank you in advance!

photo by Kat Hempel

Easy Wedding Websites

Many of my clients have many guests from other states at their wedding. I always recommend creating a wedding Web site as a central location for all of your wedding information, and I have some special tips to share to do this most effectively:

*Buy your personal domain (for example, www.bobandbill.com) through GoDaddy.com (my preferred site for domain registration).
Set up a free wedding Web site through a site like here on TheKnot.com or also WeddingWire.com or MyWedding.com

*Go to the “Manage My Domains” section on GoDaddy and set the personal domain to forward to the often-lengthy URL provided by WeddingWire, TheKnot or your other wedding website.

*Share your personal domain (e.g., www.bobandbill.com) on your save-the dates and other wedding materials.

*Use GoDaddy after the wedding when the professional photographs are ready, and change the forwarding destination of the personal domain to the link provided by your photographer.

*Tell your guests to go to your personal domain to view your professional wedding photos.

This process is quick and painless and there are countless templates to choose from!