Entertaining Your Guests

I was sitting with clients recently and we were talking about the flow of their gay wedding in New York.  I have this four page questionnaire I go through a few months before the wedding with our big wedding clients.  The conversation went something like this:

Me:  Are you having a first dance?
Them:  Nope
Me:  Are you having anything tossed?  Garter and bouquet are the typical things.
Them:  No
Me:  Are you dancing with your parents at all in any formal, announced way?
Them:  No
Me:  Are you cutting anything on the dessert display (this wedding has no wedding cake)?
Them:  No
All of these are fairly common answers when we're planning a gay wedding, though.  After all, those are traditional elements and many of our clients love the opportunity to be non-traditional and reinvent what weddings should look like!  And you completely have permission to do so!
The problem with those answers is that when we take out so many things, there is a lot of dead space and time.  The guests get bored and heaven forbid, the wedding ends early.  I believe it's very important to add things back in that are conversation starts and memory makers...
Here are some examples that we've experienced, have recommended or are recommending:

• photobooth (the obvious example)
• drag kings/queens 
• some dance performance (fire dancer, salsa dancers, tango dancers, burlesque etc) 
• caricature artist 
• casino  
• psychic (see above photo by Kelly Guenther Studio) 
• cigar bar (if the venue allows it) 
• aerial artist

The experience doesn't have to detract from the wedding or all the time spent dancing.  If it's a performance, keep it short, 1-2 songs MAX and keep it upbeat and appropriate.  
What are you doing to add some conversation starters and entertainment to your wedding?

Wedding Planning is a Big Team Effort

Planning a wedding is an extraordinary team effort.  In fact, the average wedding has 43 different vendors.  That's a pretty big team. How can you tell if a vendor is the right fit for you?  In addition to the obvious (LGBT-friendliness), pay attention to the following things when you're meeting with them:

• Does the vendor listen more than talk?
• Does he or she seem flexible or rigid?
• Does he or she support your ideas or shoot down your ideas?  
• Your gut instinct.  Do you just click?

Many of my clients' weddings require vendors to think outside the box and be creative.  Some vendors are always used to doing things the same way every time.  I like to push the envelope - and my clients like that, too.

What do you look for when hiring a wedding vendor?

Lee and Tom's Awesome Wedding Video

I really really really love the work we get to do and the wonderful clients we meet at www.14stories.com. Lee and Tom are a perfect example, a very well matched couple, equally nerdy and equally funny. Their wedding had a little bit of geek for everyone - the science geek, the computer geek, the board game geek, the SciFi geek...it was such a beautiful, extremely personalized wedding and we couldn't be more proud to have produced it. This awesome gay wedding was at Boston's State Room, one of the most beautiful venues in the city.

Check out this video trailer from Generations CinemaStories: 

Tom & Lee Wedding Highlights from GENERATIONS cinemastories on Vimeo.

Questions for Your Caterer

At some point during your wedding planning process, you should actually get to eat the food that will be served at your wedding. This may be the only time in your life where you can give a real chef constructive feedback to his or her face! It's your wedding food so this is an important detail. During the tasting, think through all of these questions:

* How is the food presented?

* Are hot dishes served hot and cold dishes served cold?

* Is the plate presentation appetizing?

* Are the hors d'oevures easy for your guests to eat? Side note: I hate skewers - they are awkward and unattractive!

* Do the flavors pop and are they complex? Is the food absolutely divine?

* Do the courses flow well together? Is there too much of one kind of protein or do you have items that are very divisive (like goat cheese, which I love)? I'm not saying you need to change or eliminate those items!

* Is there a nice balance of selections for vegetarians and carnivores?

* Will there be any in-season changes to the menu?

* When is the latest date you can make a change to the menu?

* Is the caterer managing your rental order? Did you pick linens yet? Make them show you swatches!

* Are the plates you're eating off the same plates you're using on your wedding day? Same for flatware and glassware?

* Will you be having chargers? Side note: Say yes! Chargers are lovely!

* What is their standard napkin fold? Do you like it?

* If you are a same-sex couple, be sure to get assurance that every last person on the service staff will treat you right!

* If you need them, does the caterer or venue provide menu cards? What is the heading at the top of the cards?

* Think about when you will be having a champagne toast. Do you want the champagne pre-set at the dinner table?

* What is the approximate timing for dinner? How long does it take them to get through 3 courses if it is a plated meal?

* Is there a separate cake cutting fee?

* Will they be providing tableside wine service? Do you want them to?

* Confirm whether the fee includes staff gratuity? Side note: typically not included when you are working with an outside caterer.

* Confirm the bar setup if you are hosting the bar: flat fee per person or consumption? Maybe you're lucky enough to bring in your own alcohol.

* If possible, taste your wedding wine with the food. If the venue provides the food and bar, then ask them for a wine tasting. If you're bringing in your own caterer and bar, then bring your own wine to the tasting!

* What time will the caterer begin setup?

* If you haven't already done so, ID a location for your gift table, guest book, escort cards

* Confirm the flow of the space if the ceremony is held onsite: where does everyone go for cocktail hour while the room is being flipped for dinner? How much of the dinner tables are set up prior to the ceremony and how will they be hidden discreetly?

* If you don't have a wedding planner to manage the caterer, who will be your day of event go-to person? What capacity does that person have to act as an event planner and liason with the other vendors like the DJ & photographer?

You may already know the answers to these questions but if not, the tasting is the right time to find out.

Non-Traditional Wedding Venues

A few years ago, my team and I took over a large summer camp for a three day wedding weekend. I love working in nontraditional wedding venues. It's fun thinking outside the box and can be a great way to tie into a theme.

Consider these options for your wedding:

* restaurants
* bed and breakfasts/inns
* parks

* islands (I produced a wedding last year on an island in Boston Harbor)

* galleries

What type of venue did you choose for your wedding?

Gay Wedding Planning 101

I was thrilled to be invited to participate in the Huffington Post LIVE segment on Gay Wedding Planning 101.  It was so much fun!  Check out the video below to watch the segment.  Also check out the websites of the other panelists:  Rony Tenenbaum Jeweler, Kathryn Hamm from GayWeddings.com, Billy and Pat the awesome gay vloggers, and Rev Paul.

Where is it Legal to Marry if You're LGBT?

In the following map, you can see the states where gay marriage is legal, or soon will be (it goes into effect in Rhode Island and Minnesota on August 1).  Those are the purple states.  The pink states have something else, either civil unions or statewide domestic partner benefits.  The states that are white offer no protections or benefits to same-sex couples.

 

This next map shows you where in the world it's legal for a same-sex marriage (the blue countries).