Wine as a Wedding Theme

When planning a wedding, there are so many indulgent details to obsess over. Jen and I have had so much fun over the past few months of our wedding planning indulging in private, at-home wine tastings with potential wedding wines. It was great couple-bonding and became a big obsession of mine (though certainly a fun obsession)! Our wedding venue provided its own catering and wine list. We took a look at the list, tried a few, were vaguely disappointed and decided to choose our own and have them order it. We tried to say within the $10-15/bottle price point because the venue will mark it up 300%. This was a fun process and I encourage all my clients to enjoy it as well.

Choosing the right wine for your wedding can be a wonderful theme-related detail. For example, I had clients last year who had a travel-themed wedding. Their custom-designed wedding invitations (above) were boarding passes. Their table names were photos of places they'd been. And so on. The details were great, up to and including their red wine selection, Boarding Pass Shiraz, selected not only because it was thematic but also because they enjoyed the wine.

What kind of wine did you choose for your wedding?

Do Same-Sex Couples Have Wedding Showers?

Traditionally, the mother of the bride or the maid of honor hosts a bridal shower (typically around lunchtime) for all the local ladies invited to the wedding. At the bridal shower, lots of gifts are opened, sometimes games are played, and sometimes the bride puts on a funny hat made of paper plates and gift bows. You don’t have to that, though it's a very cute and fun tradition.

Gay and lesbian couples who are already settled into a home (with several cabinets full of Crate and Barrel dishes), generally don’t want or have a wedding shower, as they probably already have everything they need. That’s great for those couples. It saves everyone some money and they are often very busy anyway.

Gay and lesbian couples who are just starting out and of a more typical marrying age are more likely to want a shower (both lesbian brides and gay grooms can have wedding showers). These are still often thrown by moms or by attendants, and some of the same traditions hold true.

Our shower was thrown by Jen’s mom. The idea was to do something a little nontraditional, so knowing the two of us, she threw us a dessert and champagne shower in the middle of the afternoon. The event was held at a restaurant that specializes in decadent desserts. Our attendants were in charge of the décor and the fun, so they created a “Bernadette and Jen trivia” game and they organized an inter-table competition. It was hilarious, and still very low-key.

To avoid creating a lot of attention, we opted for a display shower, in which the gifts are set up on display, unwrapped. Not only did we not have to be the center of attention while ooohing and ahhing over gifts, but we didn’t have to wear funny hats. I know our guests enjoyed this nontraditional take on the shower because it was different and fun.

Are you planning to have a wedding shower?

Photo by Michael Manning

Win a $100 iTunes Gift Card

Part of my mission is to eliminate homo- and trans- phobia in the wedding industry -and to eliminate the assumption that there's only one bride or only one groom...

Part of what I do is train wedding vendors -but I need your help! Please take this survey! A randomly selected survey-taker will will a $100 iTunes gift card! This survey will be the largest survey ever conducted of engaged and married same-sex couples.

Please take this survey, share this survey with your friends, and hopefully win a $100 iTunes gift card.

Thanks so much for your help!

Gay Marriages Will Resume in California

Great news! Gay marriages should resume in California next week. If you are planning to get married there, here are a few resources you should check out:

• Understanding what happens next in California
• A great list of pre-screened wedding vendors in California (and other states!)
• An amazing $10,000 wedding giveaway
• Some fantastic deals for engaged gay and lesbian couples

Photo by Julia Cumes

Understanding Prop 8

We heard the fabulous news this week that Judge Walker, a federal district judge in California, overruled the ban on Prop 8. Tons of people are ecstatic about this ruling - it's a huge step in the right direction of marriage equality.

Since this ruling has been appealed and will likely reach the U.S. Supreme Court, many LGBT individuals fear that the timing is not right and the U.S. Supreme Court will vote unfavorably. That remains to be seen but I for one, am thrilled that marriage equality won round one in this Prop 8 case.

So, what does this mean right now? Currently there is a "stay" on the ruling which means that same-sex marriages have not resumed in California. Governor Schwarzenegger and Attorney General Jerry Brown, among others, have both submitted motions to have those marriages resume. We're waiting to see what happens and hoping for the best!

I'm currently working with four couples from California on their wedding plans in Massachusetts. What are your plans and how will this ruling affect them?

Photo by Ilene Perlman

What to Call Your Wedding Party

Your best man. Your best woman. Your maid of honor. Your attendant. Your groomsman. Your bridesmaid. Your person of honor. Your best person. Your best people. Your man of honor. Your bestie. Your bridesmates. Your bestmates.

Who are these people? Take your pick of any or none at all. This is one of those areas where I’ll say “anything goes at a gay wedding.” You can mix it up and have opposite-gender individuals as your attendants. You can have no attendants at all. You can “share” attendants. Why not? This is a gay wedding and you can do whatever the heck you want. I’m not going to keep saying that, I promise. But you can. Over half of the weddings I’ve planned have had no wedding parties at all—and that’s perfectly wonderful because it keeps the emphasis on the couple.

What are you going to call your wedding party?