How to Get Married in New York (same-sex edition)

Now that same-sex marriage has been legalized in New York state (YAY!), you're probably wondering how to get married. Here are some Frequently Asked Questions:

When does gay marriage go into effect in New York?
Same-sex couples can begin marrying on July 24, 2011.

Do I have to live in New York to get married there?
No, anyone can apply for a marriage license in New York State. There is no residency requirement.

Where can I apply for a marriage license?
You can apply at any city or town clerk's office in the state of New York. Both partners must be present.

Is a blood test required?
No.

Is there a waiting period to get the marriage license?
There is not a waiting period to get the license - you receive it right away.

How soon after applying for a license can I get legally married?
24 hours or more.

Are there witnesses required in order to get legally married?
One witness (of any age) is required.

How much is the marriage license application fee?
Outside of New York City, the fee is $40. In NYC, the fee is $35.

How long is the marriage license valid for?
60 days

Can I apply online for a marriage license?
Yes, you can, in New York City, but both partners must still go in person to pick up the marriage license.

What paperwork is required when I apply for my marriage license?
Two things: Either a birth certificate OR a baptismal record OR a naturalization record OR a Census record AND a driver's license OR a passport OR a work ID with photo OR an immigration record.

Who can officiate the marriage ceremony?
The mayor of a city or village; the former mayor, city clerk, or deputy city clerk of a city with 1 million+ residents; a marriage officer appointed by the town or village board; a justice or judge; a village, town or county justice; a member of the clergy authorized to perform marriage ceremonies.


If I don't live in New York, will my marriage be recognized by my home state?
It depends on where you live, but in most cases, probably not. It will be recognized in Connecticut, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Iowa, Maryland and D.C.

Is my New York gay marriage recognized by the U.S. federal government?
Unfortunately, no it is not.

If I get legally married in New York, will I still need special legal paperwork to protect my family?
Yes, if you plan to travel with your partner beyond New York state, it will be necessary for you to hire an attorney to draw up paperwork to protect your family in case something happens in a state where your marriage is not recognized. You will need a Health Care Proxy, a Durable Power of Attorney and a will or trust.

How do I change my name?
You'll be asked your new last name on the marriage application. Once you receive your official copy of your marriage license, you can use that document to change your name on social security card, driver's license etc, if you live in the state of New York. If you live out of state, and in a state where your marriage is not legally recognized, it's much harder and will, in most cases, require a judge's order.

photo by Infinity Portrait Design

Gay Weddings on the Brink in New York?

I don't know about you but I've been following the news really closely to see if, once and for all, same-sex marriage is coming to New York. It looks closer than ever before.

That would be AMAZING! Fingers crossed that the bill passes.

Are you going to rush to the altar if gay marriage becomes legal in New York? Where do you want to get married?

Marry in Connecticut, Party in NY

I saw a thread on the message board about having a legal gay marriage in Connecticut and having the full wedding in New York. If you want the marriage to be legal, you have to get married in Connecticut, either before or after your New York wedding. The Connecticut marriage license has to be signed in Connecticut by an officiant licensed to marry couples in Connecticut.

If you don't want to be "secretly" married during your big wedding in NY, then have the ceremony afterwards in Connecticut - but again, if you want to make it legal, you have to be in Connecticut and have the license signed in Connecticut (or one of the other states where it's legal: Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, D.C. or Iowa). But the wedding in NY will have no legal merit unless you have the legal marriage at some point.

Here's a link to comprehensive legal information about marrying in Connecticut. It's pretty easy and inexpensive and can literally be done in an hour or two.

And here's a link to a Connecticut Justice of the Peace who officiates many same-sex marriage ceremonies.

If you decide to get married in Massachusetts instead of Connecticut, 14 stories can help with a small ceremony - and also planning your full wedding.

I hope this helps!

photo by Jag Studios

Music at Gay Weddings

National Public Radio called me last week to interview me for a segment on "Music at Gay Weddings". Most of the questions related to the difference in music between straight and gay weddings and lesbian vs gay male weddings. What do you think the differences are? What kind of music are you having at your wedding? Are you having non-traditional ceremony music?

You can listen to the interview right here.

photo by Infinity Portrait Design

Free Legal Gay Weddings

14 Stories, the Boston-based gay wedding planners, are offering a service where they will give you a free legal gay marriage in Boston (their "VOWS" package) if you book their full service planning for a bigger wedding wherever you live. This way, couples can have a legal marriage and a big, fabulous, amazing reception wherever they are.

14 Stories will even provide a free mini wedding cake and free bouquets, boutoneirres or one of each! This is a great deal for couples so they can legally marry but work with the trusted experts on the actual reception. Where are you planning to legally marry?

Gay Wedding Inspiration from the Royal Wedding

Did you watch the Royal Wedding? I thought it was lovely and, despite the traditional "fairytale" event, I found some great inspirations for your gay wedding.

I know that most people are talking about Kate and her beautiful dress but I want to talk about her hot sister, Pippa!

My lesbian brides who choose to wear a dress frequently do not wear a traditional wedding gown, but often something simpler, even from bridesmaids' collections. Pippa, Kate's sister and Maid of Honor, wore a stunning modern, understated (white!) McQueen dress that I believe will find its way into lesbian weddings. This dress epitomizes the essence of many gay weddings that are fantastic blends of the traditional and the very unexpected.

For the grooms, I think it would be stunning but I don't expect to see any of my men walking down the aisle in military uniforms anytime soon! I've had grooms in morning suits only once before, though and they looked so handsome - I'd love to see that again! For grooms who want a very classic wedding experience, a wedding a grand old estate or mansion, this is a fantastic look. And, wow, James Middleton is a great looking guy.

As I've mentioned before, my favorite part of any wedding is the ceremony, whether it's a 5 minute ceremony or a 45 minute ceremony. That's truly what everyone is gathered for. And just because it's "only a ceremony" doesn't mean it can't look stunning.

I loved how the florist, Shane Connolly, at the request of the bride and the groom, really brought the outside in for the ceremony. The trees were not only dramatic but also reflective of the couple's personal values. It's a beautiful aesthetic that's more than just a trend. It has a modern, yet classic look and of course the color pop in Westminster Abbey finishes it off stunningly. We will be using loads of greens at a very modern wedding later this year.

Did you find any design inspiration from the Royal Wedding?

Vote for Allen and Robbie in the Ultimate Wedding Contest

Robbie and Allen live in California and are competing to win $100,000 towards their wedding in the Crate and Barrel Ultimate Wedding Contest. These two grooms are legally marrying in Massachusetts with a big celebration afterwards in California.

You can vote for them here! Let's help them be the first same-sex couple to win this amazing contest!

Photo by Prideful Engagements