DIY Projects

DIY stands for “Do It Yourself.” I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a crafty person and not at all capable of DIY projects. Some people, however (including of course, Martha Stewart), are brilliant. There are some wonderful DIY resources you should check out to help you make napkin rings, guest books, escort cards, place cards, table runners, linens, and other wedding accessories.

If you have the time, energy, and inclination to make a go at some DIY projects, I highly recommend the following Web sites for templates and step-by-step instructions:

* www.DIYBride.com

* www.MarthaStewartWeddings.com

* www.WeddingChicks.com

And if you, like me, are not a DIY master (but you still appreciate the handcrafted look), you’ll find many cool wedding accessories for sale on www.Etsy.com. I know that I recommended this site earlier in the book, but I think it’s worth a second mention. Etsy is a great place where crafters sell their wares and can even create custom products just for you. I’ve had some good experience with Etsy vendors, but be sure to read reviews and find out for yourself. On Etsy, you can find anything from napkin rings to aisle runners to invitations to wedding wardrobe. The variety is truly astounding!

Are you planning many DIY projects for your wedding?

Photo by Kate McElwee

At the End of Your Ceremony

How will you be pronounced by the officiant?

I was emailing with a couple recently who sent me a note on their ceremony draft. One of the grooms wrote, "Jeff and I have been together for more than 14 years. After a life of saying 'my partner' I'd love, at long last, to say, 'my spouse.'"

And so he did. Language is a funny thing. I know another unmarried gay couple together more than ten years who refer to themselves not as partners, but as lovers. That term is not for everyone but it works for them.

This is a big decision for gay and lesbian couples. I get asked all the time about how the officiant will declare them at the conclusion of the ceremony. I now declare you...

• legally married
• lawfully married
• partners for life
• married partners
• husbands/wives to one another
• spouses for life
• something else?

Jen and I chose "legally married" - and that felt right for me in particular because the legal bit is so important. We live in a state where our marriage is legal and I want that word to be heard loud and clear.

How is your officiant pronouncing you at the conclusion of your wedding ceremony?

Photo by Michael Manning

I'm Coming Out!

I was with a couple today who have been together for 11 years and came out to their families about two years ago. Coming out is a process they struggled with and when planning their wedding, coming out is the last thing they wanted to do.

But did you know that each wedding has an average of 43 vendors? Think about it: the venue, caterer, bartender, invitation company, limo, etc. And we don't always hire the first people we meet, so over and over again, we come out as we plan, and hope for the best.

I always advise coming out by phone or email before your appointment, almost the first words out of your mouth so you're not catching a vendor off guard, and so you can take their temperature on the subject right away. For example, on a phone call, "Hi, I'm getting married next July to my partner Brad. It's a same-sex wedding and I wanted to check on your availability and rates." How do they react?

What's your secret for coming out effectively?

Photo by Katje Hempel

A Homemade Chuppah

I've planned a ton of Jewish and interfaith weddings, many of which have a chuppah. Have you ever seen these before? They are the canopy under which the couple marries. The canopy symbolizes building a new home together. They're great!

Many couples don't want to rent a chuppah from a florist and instead make one from scratch themselves. Before you do that, think about these questions:

1) do you want the chuppah to be free-standing or will you have chuppah holders? The couple in this photo have chuppah holders.

2) If you want the chuppah free standing, how do you plan to secure the base? Believe it or not, concrete is commonly used! My wedding last weekend used a bunch of rocks

3) Do you have a family tallit or fabric to use to create the canopy or will you need to buy this?

4) Who will set up and decorate the chuppah on your wedding day?

5) Where will it go after the wedding?

If you're comfortable with the answers to these questions, then you should, by all means, make your own chuppah! They are a beautiful addition to a wedding ceremony!

Photo by Gretje Ferguson

Wine as a Wedding Theme

When planning a wedding, there are so many indulgent details to obsess over. Jen and I have had so much fun over the past few months of our wedding planning indulging in private, at-home wine tastings with potential wedding wines. It was great couple-bonding and became a big obsession of mine (though certainly a fun obsession)! Our wedding venue provided its own catering and wine list. We took a look at the list, tried a few, were vaguely disappointed and decided to choose our own and have them order it. We tried to say within the $10-15/bottle price point because the venue will mark it up 300%. This was a fun process and I encourage all my clients to enjoy it as well.

Choosing the right wine for your wedding can be a wonderful theme-related detail. For example, I had clients last year who had a travel-themed wedding. Their custom-designed wedding invitations (above) were boarding passes. Their table names were photos of places they'd been. And so on. The details were great, up to and including their red wine selection, Boarding Pass Shiraz, selected not only because it was thematic but also because they enjoyed the wine.

What kind of wine did you choose for your wedding?

Do Same-Sex Couples Have Wedding Showers?

Traditionally, the mother of the bride or the maid of honor hosts a bridal shower (typically around lunchtime) for all the local ladies invited to the wedding. At the bridal shower, lots of gifts are opened, sometimes games are played, and sometimes the bride puts on a funny hat made of paper plates and gift bows. You don’t have to that, though it's a very cute and fun tradition.

Gay and lesbian couples who are already settled into a home (with several cabinets full of Crate and Barrel dishes), generally don’t want or have a wedding shower, as they probably already have everything they need. That’s great for those couples. It saves everyone some money and they are often very busy anyway.

Gay and lesbian couples who are just starting out and of a more typical marrying age are more likely to want a shower (both lesbian brides and gay grooms can have wedding showers). These are still often thrown by moms or by attendants, and some of the same traditions hold true.

Our shower was thrown by Jen’s mom. The idea was to do something a little nontraditional, so knowing the two of us, she threw us a dessert and champagne shower in the middle of the afternoon. The event was held at a restaurant that specializes in decadent desserts. Our attendants were in charge of the décor and the fun, so they created a “Bernadette and Jen trivia” game and they organized an inter-table competition. It was hilarious, and still very low-key.

To avoid creating a lot of attention, we opted for a display shower, in which the gifts are set up on display, unwrapped. Not only did we not have to be the center of attention while ooohing and ahhing over gifts, but we didn’t have to wear funny hats. I know our guests enjoyed this nontraditional take on the shower because it was different and fun.

Are you planning to have a wedding shower?

Photo by Michael Manning

Win a $100 iTunes Gift Card

Part of my mission is to eliminate homo- and trans- phobia in the wedding industry -and to eliminate the assumption that there's only one bride or only one groom...

Part of what I do is train wedding vendors -but I need your help! Please take this survey! A randomly selected survey-taker will will a $100 iTunes gift card! This survey will be the largest survey ever conducted of engaged and married same-sex couples.

Please take this survey, share this survey with your friends, and hopefully win a $100 iTunes gift card.

Thanks so much for your help!