Special Discount for Standing On Ceremony: The Gay Marriage Plays

We are very proud to offer friends of Gay Weddings on the Knot a special discount to the upcoming off-Broadway production Standing On Ceremony: The Gay Marriage Plays, which opens on November 13 in New York. The show previously had a very successful run in L.A.

Standing On Ceremony is a series of short plays written by legendary playwrights such as Neil LaBute, Mo Gaffney and Paul Rudnick. During opening night, the play will be simulcast to 40 cinemas throughout the U.S. A portion of ticket sales for every show will be donated to Freedom to Marryand other marriage equality organizations.

Jen and I will definitely be going and I hope you check it out! To purchase tickets at the discounted rate of $49 (down from $79) use code PLAY49 at Ticketmaster or when you call 800-982-2787.

As you know, I believe that stories change the world....and the stories heard during this play are sure to make an impact!

(photo by Prideful Engagements)

Considerations When Hiring a Wedding Photographer

Wedding photography is an investment – don’t skimp on it! It’s one of the few things that will remain long after your wedding is over. You probably already know that most wedding photographers shoot with digital cameras, not film but here are some other questions to ask yourselves before you even pick up the phone to call photographers:

Are you planning to see each other before the wedding? Most gay couples I’ve worked with have had their formal group photos taken before the ceremony so that they can immediately enjoy cocktail hour with their guests. As a point of reference, many straight couples first see each other when the bride walks down the aisle and have their formal photos taken during cocktail hour.

Do you want a photographer who will shoot all day? This could include those shots of you and your partner getting ready for the wedding and formal photos before the ceremony? Or do you just want wedding day coverage?

What photographic style are you drawn to? Photos that look like fine art or capture little moments? Photos that look like they could be from a fashion magazine? There are names for all those styles so think about the kind you like best.

Are you planning to walk down two aisles or enter your wedding ceremony from two different directions? If so, you may want to consider asking the photographer to bring an assistant.

Will you need lots of formal group shots? Those are the shots that include your wedding party and family members.

Will you want a wedding album? This design service is provided by most photographers but you can also create one on your own through a website like www.AlbumBoutique.com

Once you’ve answered those questions yourselves, you’ll be much better prepared to meet a photographer. Keep in mind you will be spending 6+ hours with a photographer on your wedding day and should like his or her personality. When you’re meeting the photographer, there are some requisite questions to ask in addition to reviewing their portfolio, but above all, you should click with the photographer. Here’s a standard list of questions when interviewing a photographer:

· Have you shot a gay wedding before?

· How would you describe your style?

· How many photos do you shoot at a typical wedding?

· Do we get proofs of the images?

· What level of editing do you provide photos before we receive them? Color correction, getting rid of EXIT signs, etc?

· Do we get full use of high resolution images after the wedding?

· Do we book an album through you or can we make our own?

· How long does it take for you to give us the high resolution wedding photos?

· How long does it take for you to produce an album?

· What is your back up plan in case of emergency?

· Do you offer an assistant and for how much extra?

· Do you offer an engagement photo shoot and for how much extra?

· How many weddings do you shoot in a weekend?

· How is your pricing structured?

Photo by Prideful Engagements

Getting Married by a Military Chaplain

It's super exciting that the Pentagon will now let military chaplains officiate gay marriage ceremonies. This is in light of the recent repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

We have worked with many couples who are former or current military. In fact, one of our brides who was married last Saturday was a manager at an Air Force base in Afghanistan, and would have loved to have the option of being married by a military chaplain.

So, because we dream in logistics, some important considerations if you are interested in being married by a military chaplain:

1. First off, the chaplain has the right to say no, that he or she is not comfortable officiating the ceremony or if it goes against his or her personal or religious beliefs. So not all chaplains are an option for you.

2. The ceremony must be legal and you must live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal. Military chaplains are only allowed to perform legal marriage ceremonies for couples who live in states where a legal ceremony is an option.

3. The ceremony must be on a military base.

Is this something you would consider for your marriage?

(photo by Katje Hempel)

Five Tips for an Amazing Gay Wedding

I'm normally one to say something like "screw the rules and reinvent the wedding" and we do - every day with the gay weddings we produce. But anyone who knows me knows my obsession with wedding ceremonies and the wedding flow, so I really do believe a great wedding should follow some simple rules because, no matter how beautiful your 20 foot bar is, it makes no difference to your guests if they are waiting in line 20 minutes for a cocktail.

My rules for planning a fabulous gay wedding:

1. Care about the ceremony and put some thought into it. After all, if you really think about it, gay weddings change the world and it all starts with the celebration of marriage.

2. Think about the guests' experience. How do they know where to go, where to park, where to walk? What is the first thing they see, hear, touch, taste, smell and experience when they enter the space? How do they feel welcome and accommodated?

3. Hire enough bartenders and order enough food. Cocktail hour is the busiest time of a wedding. If you don't have enough bartenders, your guests will get annoyed. If you are afraid that there will be a huge line at the bar, then have servers passing some drinks to guests. Order enough food so that the guests aren't waiting for food to come out of the kitchen and the hors d'oeuvres don't run out before cocktail hour is over. Don't skimp!

4. Make your wedding interactive and provide conversation starters, particularly if you pass on wedding traditions. Don't just have dinner and dancing but add enough elements so your guests aren't bored.

5. Be Yourselves. These rules can be interpreted and personalized any way you want - it's your wedding and your expression of your relationship and now, marriage. It's not your mom's or sister's gay wedding. Follow your heart and your instinct and put your own stamp on the experience.

Do you think these rules are too strict? What rules are you following for your own wedding day?

Photo by Kat Hempel

Setting Your Wedding Budget

Your wedding budget dictates many things about your wedding and truly, before you do almost anything else, you have to figure out what your budget is and where the money is coming from. It's an absolute imperative. First establish whether there will be any financial support from parents, and if possible, exactly how much. I know it's a difficult conversation to have but the more you put it off, the more difficult it will be.

The cost of a wedding varies greatly by region of the country. For example, a wedding in New York City is much more expensive than a wedding in Memphis or even a wedding in Chicago. As a general rule of thumb, if you are going to feed your guests a full dinner (whether's it's plated or a buffet), give them hors d'oeuvres, have an open bar and a wedding cake, you should expect to pay $100 and up (and it can go WAY up) per guest. And that $100 per person charge doesn't typically include things like sales tax, gratuity or an administrative and/or venue rental fee, which can be another 30% or more.

Add to that professional photography, wedding planning, invitations, music, officiant, etc and weddings get pricey. Don't be scared - just be realistic and honest with yourself about what you can and cannot afford. And trust me, your wedding is worth it!!

photo by Infinity Portrait Design

Three Days of Parties (aka The Wedding Weekend)

Three days of parties. That's my term for what most people call "the wedding weekend." You know, where you have a bunch of out of town guests and plan something like a rehearsal dinner on Friday night, the wedding on Saturday and brunch on Sunday.

I think we can do better than that...that's very typical. Let's have three days of parties. Our clients do it all the time.

Think about it. Your wedding is probably the only time in your life all of your loved ones are in one place - and they are there to celebrate YOU. Might as well enjoy it all. Here's what three days of parties looks like for many of our clients:

Day 1 - Guest arrival

• Receive fun, whimsical and creative welcome basket upon hotel check in
• If you're in a city, evening cocktail party with heavy passed hors d'oeuvres and a very fun, casual vibe
• If you're somewhere more remote, a casual cookout style event with a bonfire on the beach, s'mores, etc

Day 2 - Tourist stuff and wedding

• If you're in a big city, arrange tickets to a game, tickets to a museum, tickets on some fun and cheesy tour with lunch
• If you're somewhere more remote, coordinated group activities (kayaking, games, hikes)
• If you're somewhere like Provincetown, group shopping and dining excursion, possibly a whale watch or Dune Tour
• Everyone freshens up and the couple gets ready for the wedding
• The wedding!
• After party!

Day 3 - Brunch and departures

• Most of your guests will head out on Sunday but send them off with a really sweet brunch with bloody marys and mimosas to aid in recovery - and be sure to be present at the brunch yourself to say goodbye to your guests!

How are you planning to show your guests a good time?

(Photo by Jag Studios, of a bonfire and s'mores at a private vacation rental on Cape Cod)

Creating Your Wedding Website

I always recommend creating a wedding website as a central location for all of your wedding information - but I have some special tips to share to do this most effectively:

• Buy your personal domain - i.e. www.bobandbill.com - thru GoDaddy.com (my preferred site for domain registration)
• Set up a free wedding website thru a site like WeddingWire.com which has some nice templates and allows you to be two brides or two grooms (you have to look through and change the icons, under settings)
• Go to the Manage My Domains section on GoDaddy and set the personal domain to forward to the often-lengthy URL provided by WeddingWire or your other wedding website
• Share your personal domain - i.e. www.bobandbill.com - on your save the dates and other wedding materials
• After the wedding, when the professional photographs are ready, back on GoDaddy, change the forwarding destination of the personal domain to the link provided by your photographer.
• Tell your guests to go to your personal domain to view your professional wedding photos.

photo by Gretje Ferguson